Am I Blue?

Today, just for fun, my group at work took the Color Code personality test. Maybe you've done it before yourself. I read the Taylor Hartman book many years ago with my book club. Since that book came out, the personality colors have become an understood part of our lexicon. It seemed important and even a matter of pride to know what color group you were in. Hartman's premise was that the better you understood your own motivations and those of your associates, the better relationships you could develop.

Our trainer today, certified in color test administration, did a fine job explaining the four personalities and how they interact with others. Then our scores were handed to us. I think something was wrong with mine. When I took the test years ago, I was a strong red with a secondary blue, some white, and practically no yellow. How sad, as yellow is the fun-loving one. I was a workaholic at the time. It was probably a fair evaluation.

But our trainer today said you are born with your personality and you don't really change your core color. So what happened to me? Today I was Blue 47%, my strongest color. Red 27%, Yellow 20%, and White 7%. Now how did I suddenly get so much yellow into my personality, and where did all that hot, opinionated, always-right Red go?

Well, of course, as fun as this might be, there are a few problems with the test. For one thing, you must answer questions by evaluating yourself. And we are possibly the worst judge. For example, which of the following are you? Power-oriented, Perfectionist, Indecisive, Self-centered. Ask me, you get one thing. Ask my kids, my sisters, my friends, my co-workers, you might get something else entirely. I answered Perfectionist. Even when I was more red, I don't think I would have answered Power-oriented.

Another problem is, some of the questions don't offer a choice that applies to you. For example, are you Demanding, Unforgiving, Unmotivated, Vain? Since I don't think I'm the first three at all, but I care about how I look, I chose Vain, though I hardly think I really am. This may have moved me into the yellow category.

Of course, the more difficult problem with these types of tests, is that everyone compares results and then you get pigeon-holed. "Ah, that's the selfish Red in you!" We all become armchair psychologists.

The one value I did see in this session today was understanding the way different personality types interact, and how better to deal with certain personalities. Even if you don't think in terms of color, you sometimes have to deal with a bossy, aggressive person. Or a closed, contemplative person. Or someone who just won't take responsibility. There's no question we are all different and we shouldn't expect our associates to change and be like us, but rather we should learn to work with their personality types, while also improving on our own character traits.

But do we never change from childhood? I don't buy that for an instant. I have become more Yellow and I'm embracing the Yellow!

You can take a free Color Code test online and they will email your primary color with a pie chart showing how dominant that color is. But to get the full breakdown and analysis, you need to pay $40. I'd suggest you go check the book out of the library. I have that book somewhere . . .

Here's the web site. If you take the test, let me know your primary color. http://www.colorcode.com/personality_test/

And just for fun, some Hoagy Carmichael with Bogey and Bacall, "Am I Blue?"

Je ne veux pas travailler

I don't want to work.

Is it terrible to be 62 and a half and want to retire from daily work? I'm tired after a freak and fierce thunderstorm blew through here overnight. So I'm logged in to start work, but I keep staring out the window and thinking today would be a good day to start my retirement.

Some days I think I couldn't fill up the day after working for so many years. But today I have a schedule in mind:

Start early with coffee and watch the sky get light.
Take my bike to the Legacy bike path and ride for two hours.
Have breakfast at home.
Putter around the house and yard cleaning, doing home improvement or art projects.
Have a light lunch around 2-ish.
Siesta for an hour.
Read, play piano,.
Shop for dinner.
Have people over, cook, eat, drink, and sit on the patio and watch the sun go down.
Play CDs or the piano until too tired to stay awake any longer.
Go to bed, sleep soundly, and then do it all again tomorrow with slight variations.

I think I could handle retirement.

(Sorry the video can't be embedded, but go to YouTube to watch - it's cute).

Greening up my world

I was stunned when I saw my power bill yesterday -- in a good way.  It has to be the lowest bill this house has ever had in a July, just $56.  The KWH used this year was 17 per day compared to 27 last year, even though the average daily temperature was two degrees higher THIS year at 77. 

After the new windows, roof, siding, furnace, and a/c over the past six years, my energy bills had already dropped significantly.  More than one-third after the windows alone.  I set the a/c at 78 when I'm home, and the heat at 68.  I thought I'd maxed out my ability to reduce energy consumption and still live comfortably.  But this summer I've made a concerted effort to utilize open windows and capture cool night air.  Some days the a/c doesn't kick on until 4 p.m.

It's something we've forgotten how to do -- keep the house cool without a/c.  I remember in the 50's I didn't know anyone who had air conditioning in the house.  People used strategically-placed trees, awnings on windows, opening and closing windows at just the right times, with shades and draperies to block out heat from direct sun.  Late afternoons were spent outdoors on the shady side of the house.  We acclimated to the temperatures and found ways to cool down when things were the hottest. 

This year, I decided to use some of those techniques again since I work from home and can easily do simple things like open and close windows and shades.  Sitting at my desk with its north-facing window, many mornings I need a sweater as the breeze is quite cool.  I've thoroughly enjoyed many more hours of fresh air flowing through the house (even though the downside is having to dust more often).  Even this week, with temperatures near 100, I may go to bed with the house closed up, but when I wake up at 2 or 3 a.m., as I often do, I'll walk around and open windows then.  When the temps drop into the 60's at night, you can collect a lot of nice cool air in the house which will last many hours into the day. 

I'm a little nervous to see my July water bill, however.  The yard is fully landscaped for the first time ever, and everything is getting watered with a new sprinkling system.  I have no idea how my water usage compares to the past.  The June bill was so low, I didn't exceed the regular monthly usage which applies year-round.  But June was extra cool.  July has been hot and dry.  Still, most of the yard is in drought-tolerant, low-water plantings with the annuals mostly clustered around the patio where I like to hang out.  I apply the tough love principle on the lawn and drought-tolerant areas.  They get water, but they aren't allowed to become lush.  The landscaper set each watering station to 15 minutes, but I backed them off to 12 each.  I water early in the morning only, but on some particularly hot evenings, I'll manually cycle through all the stations after sunset, giving them each a minute or two of water to cool down the parched plants and earth.  The bonus is that the temperature drops for the entire yard and house at the same time.  I do water every day, which I know is not recommended.  But I live on sand and water is not retained in the soil.  Watering for longer periods does no good as it drains off rapidly.  It's the nature of where I live.  I do give the newer trees some deep watering once or twice a month, however.  The established trees don't seem to need it.  I'll report back on the July water bill when it arrives in August.

I used to feel a little guilty about occupying a rather large house and yard by myself, and yet requiring heating and cooling just the same as if a whole family lived here.  But when I see the results of my efforts at reducing energy consumption, there is no need for guilt.  I realize it's not about the size of the space I occupy, but how I utilize resources to make my life comfortable. 

I didn't do this all overnight.  It has taken about six years for me to get to this point.  But I think this is proof that if people care and if they really want to do it, we could all drastically reduce our need for fossil fuels while we improve our environment.  Of course, the cost savings is a happy bonus. 

(Just as an after note, since I work from home, I consume far less fuel for my car.  I also conscientiously recycle, which has become more convenient with my city's curbside recycling program.  And I carry those reusable grocery bags with me when I shop.  These are just a few other things I'm doing to help green my world).

And a few more

The city came by today to clean up the parking strip, so I made some before shots and decided to grab a few more of the yard while I was at it.

Another angle of the lowest corner of my lot.  The day lilies exceed my expectations.

Here's another hybrid lily, a rare "black" lily toward the front of this photo.

The east side along the sidewalk, two views.

And the corner garden with a better view of the upper backyard.

A few more pics around the yard

I only posted the backyard the last time.  So here are some other areas. I posted earlier pics of some of these areas in May, and you can see things change constantly in these plots.

In the front garden the perennials have surged along with a few impatiens.

In the lower front garden, the hybrid day lilies are putting on a show like I haven't seen in about five years. This is slightly pre-dawn light, so they are not fully opened yet.

In the upper corner garden the tall day lilies are having their day as well (though here they are still closed up awaiting the hot sun before they'll show those brilliant orange trumpets) and I have since done some of needed deadheading seen here.

The east is all about perennials too. The daisies and other early summer bloomers have faded and the tall Russian Sage and hummingbird trumpet are coming on while the Jupiter's Beard is getting ready for its second blooming.  The black-eyed Susans are very late, but I see they are starting to produce buds.  Flowers soon.

Backyard pics

All of the yard is looking so nice this year, but here is where I spend most of my time. It is shady and cool under the patio all day. The yard itself gets hot sunlight at various times, but overall is mostly shady. The flowers have thrived in pots this year, and even a hosta is about to bloom.  Some of this photos I took at noon and the light is much too bright.  Others I took just before sunset and things are quite shady.  It's hard to get good balanced light in this area.  I'll try and get shots of the rest of the yard soon.

The McCartney Concert

I want to write this while still basking in the afterglow.  It was a thrill to be among the 40,000 fans at the Paul McCartney concert last night.  We were there! By "we" I mean three of my sisters and one brother-in-law, my son and his wife, two of my friends and their husbands -- those are the ones I know of.  We didn't all sit together, we were scattered about.  Where I was sitting, the seats were wonderful -- I had a great view of the stage.  I knew this would be good, but had no idea how truly fantastic it would be.

From the time McCartney took the stage around 8 p.m. until he exited at 11-ish, he was singing, dancing, playing all kinds of instruments, telling stories, and entirely positive and upbeat.  We all felt that he really was thrilled to be performing for us.  And the band members, too.  Each one appeared to not only be really into the performance, but also truly having the time of their lives doing it. 

I feel infused with so much positive energy today, I am practically floating.

And speaking of the band, really, what a sound from the most basic group.  A drummer, a bass, a lead guitar, and a keyboard -- and Paul switching off with every tune.  The band did the backup singing too.  The synergy of the group was marvelous.  You could tell they liked being together.

This was an event I've waited for for 46 years.  I've been a Beatles fan since there were Beatles.  The experience was everything I expected and more.  And now it's a memory, but it will be among the treasured memories of my lifetime.

And one thing I take away from the experience is the importance of producing positive energy in our lives.  Paul has certainly suffered tragedy and trial.  But he emerges smiling and happy, and then proceeds to make thousands of people around him feel happy too.  I have a desire to do the same with my small life -- to greet each day with a positive energy that feels good to me and influences those whose lives touch mine that day.

The final words of the concert: And in the end, the love you take, is equal to the love you make.

Surprise money

Got a check from the IRS marked "Tax Refund".  Not a big one, about 80 bucks.  But a surprise.  I owed this year - sent my check in last April.  Did I make a mistake?  No explanation accompanied the check.  I used my usual software and did the taxes myself.  My finances are not complicated.  But it may be time to hire a professional to do the taxes.  

A trip to the mountains

Yesterday my sister Peg posted a note on Facebook that she was taking a drive to the mountains in the afternoon if anyone would like to come.  After sitting around feeling bored all day, I jumped at the chance.   There are so many beautiful and accessible places we can go on a Sunday drive.  For this one, we headed up Weber Canyon, turned off towards Kamas and then took the road to Smith-Morehouse.  I'm not sure if this is considered part of the Uintahs -- you can certainly see the Uintah mountains from there.  But it was a great day for taking pictures and here are a few things we saw.

This last photo, I shot as I was just leaving my house and one of the tiny spotted fawns ran out in front of my car and down the street.  My camera was at hand, but I wasn't fast enough to get him before he was in the deep grass.  Darn.

A series of slightly strange and totally unrelated experiences

A series of small things have occurred this past week that by themselves are insignificant, but taken together, raise questions in my mind.

After struggling for a week with getting the tire back on my new bike and hooking up the brakes, I finally gave up and decided I would have to get some professional help.  And then, I tried one more time.  It was like I had an epiphany.  I looked at the brakes and knew exactly what I needed to do.  Click, snap, it was done.  I can't imagine why I had so much trouble or why I suddenly saw the solution.

A couple of days ago I blogged about a young female deer that wandered into my backyard and hung by very close to me nibbling at goodies in my yard.  It was a singularly thrilling moment to see that animal so close up while unaware of my presence.  Her front legs - so slender, they look incapable of supporting her.  Her extra tall ears that she will eventually grow into.  Her lovely tan fur that will go more gray in the winter and as she ages.  It was my second close encounter with her this week.

Later that evening, after dark, I was inside opening up windows to let the cool night breezes into the house when I was startled to find myself standing in front of the tall living room windows, brightly illuminated in the glare of a police spotlight.  The light stayed on me for awhile and then swept the front yard, and as the patrol car inched down the road, swept the houses and yards of my neighbors.  Looking for someone.  I didn't feel scared, but did lock the door to the patio where I'd just been sitting.  I have no idea what that was about.

Last night was the first night all summer I slept with the windows closed and the AC running as the temps were still in the 80's at bedtime.  But at 2 a.m., I awoke for no reason.  And decided to see if there were any cool breezes to be had.  I opened windows and then sat for a bit by the living room window looking out at the night.  I thought I could hear water running.  I could see water in the gutter under the street light by my neighbor's house.  Having had some real water disasters here in the past, I dressed quickly and went out to investigate.  Yes water was streaming out of cracks in the road and flowing down the street.  I called the city's emergency water number.  To make a long story short, it was a break in a water line, and about 12 hours later, the line was fixed and back in service.  Had I not awakened when I did, the broken pipe would have gotten worse and serious damage could have occurred as in the past.  Why did I wake up?  Why did I decide to open windows?

Now running on no sleep, I am glad I decided at the last minute yesterday to ask for the day off from work.  I had been working on a project that required me to work in raw HTML code -- not exactly my forte.  They wanted it finished by Friday.  I hit a roadblock.  Something was broken in my code and I couldn't figure out what.  Again, as if an epiphany, I realized the very simple thing I was doing wrong.  I finished the project on Thursday and was able to start my holiday weekend a day early.  Good thing.  My brain would not have functioned well today on so little sleep.

Although, today, after a little research online, I managed to purchase a simple bike rack that I thought I could manage.  And after studying the directions, got it assembled and mounted on the car, got the bike loaded on and tied down, and took it for a test drive.  Beautiful.  I'm ready for my ride tomorrow and no longer any need to remove the tire to fit the bike inside the car.

This morning as I was making coffee and keeping an eye on the street workers, a huge black cat came into my yard and onto my patio.  I turned on the outside lights to get a good look.  A well-fed fluffy beautiful cat.  I had never seen it before.  We almost never see stray cats or dogs in the neighborhood.  People keep their pets in their yards.  No idea where this cat came from or where it went.  Some people think animals come to us as messengers.  I'm a skeptic.  But the animal world is certainly making itself at home with me.

Tomorrow is the one-year anniversary of the death of my ex-husband.  I have been thinking about this as the time has gotten closer.  I have decided that it will be a turning point for me.  I need to stop being sad about that loss.  I need to stop thinking of my house and yard as still his and mine.  It is just mine.  I need to stop hoping he would be pleased, and stop feeling regret that he didn't get to enjoy this new thing or that.  I looked up the 5 steps of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.  I know I didn't do any bargaining.  And there was very little anger.  But yes, denial, depression, and acceptance.  When my boyfriend moved to Minnesota two months ago, it was yet another loss and a setback.  But I am determined that there will be an end to sadness and it starts tomorrow.  Maybe I don't need to do all the steps.  I just need to want this change enough to make it happen.

Perhaps being alone so much of the time, I'm overthinking everything, and small things seem enlarged.  It occurs to me I may even be becoming weird or eccentric.  But I know one thing:  I am very very lucky to have the life that I have, with its opportunities and rewards.  I don't take that for granted.  Things can happen and life can change so quickly.  A year has passed.  There will be no more mourning.  Tomorrow truly is the first day of the rest of my life.

UPDATE:  Dammit!  The street sprung another leak.  This time water came bubbling up right in front of my house.  I called the city and quickly filled every sink, tub and every possible water-holding vessel, and finished filling the tub just as the water shut off. Police have blocked off part of the street and are directly traffic.  A crew is on the way.  And we just play the waiting game now.  I think it's time for an adult beverage.

A little visitor

A young doe visited me tonight as I sat on the patio.  It was just dusk.  I was sitting quietly enjoying the fragrant flowers when she wandered into the backyard, nibbling the hanging plants.  It wasn't the first time I've seen her here.  Monday night as I rolled the garbage can out to the curb in the dark, she and I startled one another as I discovered her cleaning out the bird feeders in the front yard.  She knows where they all are.  She made her way to each one in the back tonight as I sat not moving.  She even nibbled at the hummingbird feeders, but found them not to her liking.  A real bonanza was found where one feeder had been blown out of the tree by today's strong winds, providing a nice stash of sunflower seeds on the ground.  She was a bare 10 feet from me.  She looked directly at me several times but went on feeding.  But when a mosquito landed on my arm, I moved to brush it away.  She didn't run right away, but watched me awhile and then walked away slowly.

If I'd followed my earlier instincts, I would have had a camera in my hand.  The yard looked particularly pretty tonight and I had almost gone inside for my camera earlier, but hadn't.  I almost need to keep that camera with me all the time.

I'm going to have to hang those feeders higher.

Not sporting

My home is a sports-free zone.  It seems every day of the year has a HUGE sporting event that has everyone talking and making predictions and getting emotionally worked up.  Not me.  I OD'd on sports during my previous marriage.  My ex was a sports addict and followed everything - some things with great passion while others with mild interest, and yet others with great disdain (but nevertheless followed).  We had VCRs and TVs all over the house recording events.  We all knew well never to make any mention of a score we may have heard lest we spoil the game or match he planned to watch later.  We attended so many hockey games and it was important that I understand all the rules and the subtleties of the game (yes hockey does have some subtleties).

After we split up, I began to eliminate sports from my life.  First unconsciously and then more deliberately.  When watching the news, I either switched the channel or turned it off as soon as a sports story came on.  Sometimes that is easy since sports is confined to after-weather time slots.  But sometimes sports is big news, like who got drafted and who won in the World Cup (Super Bowl, World Series, NBA Playoffs, Stanley Cup, March Madness, Wimbledon, U.S. Open, World Series of Poker, ad infinitum).  But I avoid what I can, and I certainly never spend time actually viewing a sporting event on TV myself. 

It's remarkable how eliminating something like that from your life frees you up for other things.  I realize now how much of my time and attention was devoted to someone else's passion that was not my own.

I'm not obnoxious about it.  If friends or family are celebrating their team's big win, I congratulate them.  I remember the excitement and fervor of those big events.  Back in the day, those were times for parties, food, gatherings, fun.  Yes, I enjoyed those times, even if I didn't care much about the game.

But now, my home is a sports-free zone.  And it feels more like my own space this way.

Sorry no photos (UPDATE - photos after all)

UPDATE:  My brilliant son, one of several, managed to retrieve everything from my laptop hard drive, even though the laptop itself is DOA.  I'm posting a couple of my favorites from the party here.  Others may still be seen on Facebook at the link below.

 I downloaded all my party photos to my laptop and the next day the laptop was fried.  It's a long story and at the moment I'm not sure if I'll retrieve anything from it.  Luckily, I had already posted the best party photos on Facebook.

I use my laptop mostly for photos and surfing while I watch TV, so the only thing I lost was a lot of photos, and mostly recent ones.  And as I thought about it, I realized that most of those needed a good culling anyway and I had already posted my favorites here on the blog or on Facebook.

The party photos can be seen here on Facebook.

The one thing you can't control - the weather

Have been executing the plan: Wednesday fnished up some things in the yard, yesterday cleaned the house and even did a little more in the yard, today I shop and prepare some of the food.  Tomorrow morning I'll pick up cakes and catered food.

I've had my eye on the weather forecast for a week and it has gradually gotten worse - heavy rain tomorrow and temps in the low 60's.  Honestly, we'll see just how bad it is.  These storms have been intense but brief.  Hard to say if that's what we can expect tomorrow.

Yesterday it rained in the a.m., cleared up and was sunny until about 4:30.  This morning there is no rain, but cool temps, with rain predicted later.  But tomorrow the coldest and wettest of the week.  Well, we have the covered patio and indoor areas.  It could be crowded, but I don't think we can count on seating people in unprotected areas.  Jenn and Zach will come over tonight and we'll figure it out.

One way or another, we are getting ready to party.