Total Eclipse of the Moon - December 10, 2011

I am still using the auto settings on my camera or I might have gotten a better shot.  But isn't an eclipse a cool thing?  It gets you thinking about how centuries of people have observed these events, what it has meant, and what science has learned about the moon and its travels -- so far.  And certainly there is more to discover.

Please Come Home For Christmas

A video for the season.

Gratitude

Sometimes a little perspective is good.  Yesterday, talking with my friend on the phone and discussing our respective Thanksgiving plans, she planted a reminder so stark by comparison that I felt startled and saw my present life with new eyes.

This year there will be 11 of us at my table--children, grandchildren, and a couple of their friends.  The food will be non-traditional with no big golden bird as a centerpiece.  Salmon will be the highlight but with sliced turkey and ham available too.  And many sides.  I've consulted everyone and asked them for their favorite dish and there will be something to please everyone.  It will be fun and different.  With such a crowd coming, I've had a brainstorm for fitting them all in -- I am moving my dining room furniture into the spacious living room and the couch and chairs are getting relegated to the dining room.  I'll serve appetizers and drinks on my server.  I'll use my new dishes and I'm so glad I bought 12 place settings.  I described all of this to my friend on the phone.

And then my friend asks me, did I remember five years ago, just after she had moved back here from California, and I had decided not to even have Thanksgiving that year.  I sent my kids off to celebrate elsewhere and I stayed home alone and did nothing.  What a dark place I was in at the time.  Separated from my husband and life in limbo.  Feeling terribly wounded body and soul.

How did I get to here from there?

I don't know if I have answers or any profound advice.  Only to say that not only do bad things happen in all our lives, but that this is evidence of the resilience of the human spirit when we allow it to be.  I know I have a basic spark in me that loves life and people and looks for good in the world.  I am an optimist in spirit.  And seeking joyful things brings joy in abundance.

It has been a good year as I look back.  A very good year.  And I am happy with all the people and experiences that have graced my life.  I've lost what religious leanings I ever had, and I don't think the cosmos or a rabbit's foot have any say in my life either.  So I'm never quite sure now what to do with feelings of gratitude.  But I do feel, nevertheless, that my life is good and not entirely of my own doing.

For me, at this point in my life, let it suffice to say that I know I have a good life and I sincerely and humbly appreciate that and will not take for granted the good things.  And will do my best to weather the bad when they come.  And accept all life has to offer with increasing understanding and grace.

October - Catching Up

This is what you call lazy blogging.  I took one of my favorite get-away trips in October -- Bryce Canyon for just one day, and then a drive up beautiful Highway 12 to Capitol Reef National Park and Torrey, Utah.  I've already posted pictures on Facebook, so to make it easy, I'll link to my albums here.
Bryce Canyon

Highway 12

Torrey, Utah and Capitol Reef and more rock art near Torrey

And just days after I returned home, a neighbor couple and I threw a big party at my house for all the neighborhood and other family and friends.  I failed to get pictures of everyone there, but got extas of my family members.  Sigh.  A good time was had by all.
Halloween Party

In addition, finished up nearly all the clearing out in basement and garage and I'm ready to talk to the contractor and get this project going.  It was a very good October.

What'll I Do?

In 13 months I'll retire.  I'm literally counting the months now.  And everything I do is in preparation for this new phase of life.  Not that I'm treading water or anything right now.  I'm still working and playing and doing all the things I love.  But I am preparing.

"What will you do?"  That's the number one question people ask me when I mention retiring.

What'll I do?  Hah!  I will do all the things I do now only I won't have to fit in eight hours of work around them.  I'll be able to work in the yard when the temperatures are cool.  I'll be able to do more of the work myself and not hire helpers as much.  I'll be able to ride my bike on weekdays when the young fast riders are at work.  I'll paint when I'm awake and fresh and when the light is good.  I'll read during the day instead of at bedtime which puts me to sleep.  I'll help more with getting grand kids to and from school so their parents don't have to do such fancy juggling of their schedules.  I'll cook more and have people to dinner.  I'll play more piano and guitar.  And take some lessons--both music and painting.  I'll write more consistently and thoughtfully.  I'll walk every day but will find some new trails and vistas.  I'll take day trips to see birds and to photograph sights.  I will still do the concerts, movies, dining out with my friends.  Why would that change?

In short, I will do all the things I loving doing now but will have prime time for them instead of fitting them into the fringes of my day.  Maybe I'll add some new things, too.  I'm open to the possibilities.  But I don't see myself being idle or bored.

And I'm preparing.  For some months now I've put myself on a very strict budget, living on less than what my social security check will be, though in retirement I will also have a pension check.  My goal is to live frugally and put my pension check into savings.  If I need it, it's there.  I am putting a large portion of my paycheck now into a 401k (well, it's really a 407-something or other), my savings continue to grow.  I feel confident I will live comfortably on my income when I no longer work and will even be able to continue saving.

And I'm not suffering in my frugality.  I took a nice little vacation to Bryce Canyon, Highway 12, and Capitol Reef in October, and I bought a lovely set of dishes, managed birthday gifts and dinners and several outings with friends, some new clothing for me, all within budget without drawing on savings.  Oh, and threw a big Halloween party for the neighborhood.  How could I complain?

I will be getting that remodeling done in the basement soon and that will require drawing on some of my savings - it's part of the plan.  But then the major work in the house is all finished.  I will still paint a room occasionally or update things here and there.  But it will be my home for as long as I can manage it and I will enjoy all the updates now instead of doing them for new owners when the time comes I decide to sell. 

And that's what I'll do.  For starters . . .

P..S.  I will not be one of those Red Hat Ladies who have taken something that is all about uniqueness and individuality and made it all about sameness.

Watercolor: Dogs in Snow

No time to blog, I'm taking a little drive out of town for a few days and then throwing a neighborhood party next weekend.  That will about do it for October.  Much progress was made this month and I want to write about it, but that will wait until November.  I'm just heading out the door in a few moments.  So here's a little post to tide us over.  It's my latest watercolor.  It's my friend's dogs, Hap and Roxann, in snow.  A white dog in snow was a new challenge and I'm afraid I didn't get the proportions quite right, but I think I did capture the mid-bound of Roxann running toward the camera.  I did this on postcard stock thinking to mail it to my friend as a surprise, but I liked it so much when I finished, I enclosed it in a letter to save it from the dirty machinery of the U.S. Postal Service.  I'm eager to get back to painting, but it will wait until November.  In the meantime, enjoy Hap and Roxann, dogs in snow.

October

October

From my open window

This mild October morning

A breeze

With musky, ripe scent
Swirls through my space and me.

The giant elm across the way

Soughs, bends, straightens

Slowly,

With age-stiffened limbs

Not unlike my own.

Silhouetted against a still-dark sky,

Its leafy fullness

Shows no hint of changes

Soon to come.

Neighbor houses closed up tight

In their man-made coolness

Do not share this pleasure

I enjoy—a treat

For all the senses.

I sit by open window

My house fragrant

With the new season.

I breathe of it deeply

And feel a kinship.

I, too, am autumn.

My day ahead is busy,

Duties tug,

Pulling me away

But the breeze persuades me

To stay a bit longer.

To feel this coolness

And taste a delicious ripeness

And receive the subtle messages

Of change.

Copyright 2011 Becky Stauffer

I fail because I can

Are you ever just drifting along, not paying much attention, when unexpectely you hear something rather profound that then gets stuck in your head and makes you feel like you've had a mini revelation?  This happened to me.

I was watching a silly sitcom I like, Modern Family, last night, when one of the characters said something that struck me. The situation was, the father wanted to walk a tightrope and kept falling off a wire stretched just  inches above the ground. Then his young son said, "You fall because you can." The father had a sudden realization and then raised the wire to maybe six feet, and managed to walk across without falling.

As I watched I kept thinking about that phrase, "You fall because you can." I changed fall to fail. I fail in some of my goals because I have a safety net, I know I'm not going to suffer any great consequences if I fail. It's when something big and important is at stake that I can really step up to the challenge.

So if that's the case, do I need to insert risk into my challenge in order to be successful? And how to do that? Anything I do would be an artificial risk. I don't have an answer to that question--just thinking aloud, so to speak.

Anyway, this is something I'm thinking about today: I fail because I can. How do I change my personal goals and challenges so that failure is not an option?

Watercolor Class and How I Spent My Summer Vacation

To call the summer a whirlwind, understates it.  In June my son and his wife, after trying for a year and a half, sold their house in Layton and bought a home in my little town of North Salt Lake--and my life changed.  With them living nearby, I'm now able to help much more with the children and assist the parents who both work.  Through June, July and August, 8-year old Kevin spent his days with me since I worked from home and he was able to play and entertain himself just fine.  But 4-year old Brandon went to daycare as it was too much for me to manage both while working.  Now Kevin is back in school and I don't have my daily companion.  But Brandon has started going to the daycare provided by a neighbor who lives just behind me.  However, since they don't open until 7 a.m. and both parents start work at 7, he comes and stays with me for a half hour and then I walk him to his "school" before logging on for my own workday.  It works out well and saves that little family some extra costs.  The bonus for me and for them is this one-on-one time I've enjoyed with these little boys. 

The drawback has been that at the end of the day of working and caring for an 8-year old, I felt too tired to follow my established walking routine from the spring.  Plus keeping up with the yard work provided other calorie-burning opportunities.  Somehow I maintained my weight through the summer and stayed with my healthy eating habits.  This week I returned to my walking and it was such a pleasure--like meeting an old friend.  I'm now looking into either a recumbent exercise bike or an elliptical for bad weather days.  I didn't want to buy one until the basement remodel was completed, but that's now on the fall agenda.  So we'll see how the timing of all that goes.

So summer flew by and I took no vacation at all except for a day here and there just to use up vacation days rather than lose them.  The yard is beautiful with the occasional help from Alberto's crew.  I've had a contented and uneventful few months.  And yet, the metamorphosis that started last winter has continued with an unexpected new hobby.

In August, my friend Celia asked me to join her and her sister, Pat, in a private watercolor class with a teacher they had met at Red Butte Gardens.  It sounded like fun, but I was unprepared for how much I would love it and become addicted to it.  We've had five lessons now with one remaining.  I will be sad for the classes to end, but my new adventure in creativity has just begun.

Our class is at Diva's--a charming coffee shop famous for its cupcakes but where you can also get a delicious sandwich or soup and a glass of wine.  And we usually do since the shop charges nothing to use its space.  Located in a former green house, it has beautiful outdoor and indoor spaces.  We utilize the "library" space with its large table.  In class we work on specific projects, and we all practice at home on our own subjects.  So, in order of completion, here are my class projects and some of my practice efforts.  I offer no apologies for the flaws - I'm still learning:

Class Week 1:  Op Art coffee cup and cupcake

Practice: Himalayan poppies.

Practice, my cup of brushes.

Class Week 2-3; Bird on a wire (birds are hard!)

Practice:  Prothonotary Warbler - I loved this one!

Class week 2-3-4, Tuscan Landscape

Practice: Lavender fields and Abbey of Senanque, Provence

Practice: Hummingbird

Class weeks 4, 5, 6:  Leaves

 Final class week 6: Western Landscape (impressionist)

And at the top of this post, my favorite practice yet, my Thatched Cottage which I painted yesterday on my day off instead of cleaning the basement -- no regrets.

August

Halfway through August - where is the summer going?  The summer has been so much about children and grandchildren and just keeping up with things, time passes imperceptibly and suddenly a whole season has gone by.  In less than two weeks the kids are back in school.  I haven't blogged because, frankly, I feel caught up in the stream of life and am not inspired to write about anything.  But I feel slightly obliged to this page and want to check in now and then even if only to say that everything's going well, I'm content and enjoying life, and don't worry about me.  I did start a watercolor class this summer and am enjoying that immensely.  At some point I'll post a retrospective of our projects.  But this is all for now--no photos of the yard (trust me it's a wonderful place to be), no sunsets (trust me they are, every one, inspiring), no photos of deer (yes, two new fawns this year).  Suffice it to say "ditto" to so much I've posted in the past. 

Life is good.

July

I'm so remiss these days in posting, and here it is July.  Not yet 5 a.m. but my typical awakening time.  June was all filled up with things I needed to do for others while at the same time taking care of things in my own world.  On June 29th I had my landscaper bring in his crew to finish the weeding I just couldn't catch up on and also take out the old dead tree at last and plant a beautiful new flowering pear.  The yard is in bloom all around.  A woman, whom I don't know, driving by yesterday, stopped and rolled down her window to tell me how beautiful it is.  It happens a lot. People walking or driving by.  I spend as much time as I can outdoors now.  Perhaps I'll have a picture or two for this post if I get time.

But the heat is on.  After a cool wet early summer, the temps are now in the 90's and we are predicted to hit 100 this weekend.  Grateful for the AC.

I'm back to working from home most days, going to the office only on meeting days once every two weeks.  The new writer at work is becoming better at working independently.  We are in constant connection throughout the day by instant message and also by phone when the required communication exceeds our ability to type in terse statements.  It seems to be working out okay and the work is getting done.  There were big shakeups and austerity measures announced at work last month.  Things are changing.  I'm sorry to say I'm in my I'll-be-retiring-soon-anyway mode full-fledged now and don't invest a lot of emotion either way into the goings on at work.

My extra-curricular activities in June knocked me off my fitness schedule.  But the habits I'd established in the previous months apparently carried me through.  I didn't log calories faithfully, but I had a consciousness of my eating that served me well.  I didn't walk 300 minutes a week, but working in the yard, helping my kids move, tending grandchildren (especially that!), and lots of other running around did serve to burn calories.  I lost a little weight and was delighted not to have gained.  Strength and energy are increasing all the time.  I feel younger, stronger, more energetic than I have in years.

But I'm back on track doing a five-week sprint.  I love walking and had really missed that particular activity.  I walk after 8 p.m. in downtown Bountiful, if you can call it downtown (nine short blocks of tiny local shops, banks, restaurants, surrounded by well-maintained old neighborhoods).  The sun is low enough and there are enough trees and buildings that it makes for a shady though pleasantly warm walk.  It truly is small town U.S.A. there.  People strolling, walking dogs, bicycling, old people sitting on their porches, kids playing frisbee on the big lawn in the center of town.  Some days there are events going on like the sidewalk chalk festival or the classic car parade.  There's an ambiance reminiscent of my childhood in the 50's.  I think I get a mental boost as well as a physical one from my walks there.  No wonder I've missed it. 

But here we are well into the summer again.  How time flies.  It's a three-day holiday weekend, and people will be in and around the house for food and music and fun.  Neighborhood fireworks are all around every evening now as the state has legalized the sale of more aerial types.  Crossing fingers no fires are started.  I feel in harmony with my world just now and am enjoying it all.

And maybe that's why I'm not blogging as much.  I'm busy living life right now.  But life is simple and there is little drama and little worthy of writing about.  My family needs me and I'm happy to be there for them.  I'm gearing up for one last major remodeling project in the house -- the basement and garage.  Just in the imagining stage at the moment.

I'm afraid a contented life makes for boring blogging.  But there it is, a few words for July.  Hopefully, a few photos when it gets light.

Thoughts on Weeding

Why is it, I wonder,

do the deer,
who have stripped the sumac
of its leaves
again,

Or the gophers,
undermining flowers and lawn,
making hills
where there were none.

Or the snails
leaving sticky trails
As they eat my lovely flowers
to death,

Or the new bug
that is
slowly
killing
my hostas,

Never seem to harm
the weeds.

Catching Up

I'm lucky.  I've had no flooding at my house.  I wouldn't have believed it, but homes on the hillside here are getting water in basements.  The water table is so high, it's just seeping in.  With the wettest and coolest spring on record in our state, and snowpack over 300 percent of normal in some areas, flooding is inevitable as temperatures rise.  Many who live near rivers and particularly where rivers drain into lakes are already suffering damage which so far is in the millions of dollars.

The rainy weather has kept me indoors a lot of the spring and the weeds have been taking advantage of my absence.  I've bought plants and then kept them covered on the patio lest the cold weather destroy them.  Suddenly, today we are 80 degrees.  My patio pots, for the most part, did okay.  I lost a few vinca plants -- easily replaced.  Today I'm finally getting plants in the ground that have waited a couple of weeks.

We are all behind this year because of this weather.  Gardeners have waited to put out tender tomatoes and peppers.  Some farmers have been unable to get spring crops in.  Some fields now underwater will not produce anything this year.

Those who live near rivers can sometimes expect high water.  Those of us who live on hillsides are more surprised when it happens here.  I am thankful for my luck so far, but will wait and see how the rest of this spring unfolds.  This is a story being repeated all over our country.

And the question so many are asking:  Is this year of extreme weather everywhere just a fluke?  Or is this the outcome of climate change we've been warned of?

Planting flowers, and birds, birds, birds

We've had so few good warm and not-rainy days this spring, I feel I'm behind on everything.  I had scheduled Alberto to mow the lawn every week in May, but due to weather, it turned out to be just twice.  Wednesday was sunny and warm, and I took the day off work to go nursery hopping with best friend Celia.  We found some lovely things!  Today I spent a good part of the day planting in both pots and in the ground and doing weeding which I've been working on for a couple of weeks.

The yard is green and lush and everything is growing like crazy (including the weeds).  Most wonderful of all, the yard has become something of a bird sanctuary of late with an incredible variety of birds.  Some of the photos below are from earlier years, but all are birds visiting recently.  The most thrilling would have to be the lazuli bunting.  The most charming and heart-winning are the chickadees who are nesting for the second year in a row in my decorative blue birdhouse.

Buntings:  Just a few at first, and now a whole flock of them.  They are small but feisty.  Females are a yellowish-brown.

Black-Headed Grosbeak: Adult male in the first pic.  The second is either female or young male, but I think young male by the strong markings.

Scrub Jay (a couple years ago)

 Goldfinches (April)

 House Finch and Goldfinch (April)

Flicker (Feb)

 Chickadee defending his territory.

There are also the doves and quail which I've failed to photograph.  And of course, robins, And the occasional hawk.  Whom have I missed?