What would you do?

Yesterday at Target, while in the parking lot loading into my car a large unwieldy item that filled the cart, I discovered two $20 items in the bottom of the cart that both the cashier and I had overlooked.  I had not paid for them.  An extra $40 would be nice.  No-one would know but me.  I finished unloading the item and then returned to the store to pay for the other items.

It's not the first time.  Once I even returned to pay for a $4 carton of sodas.  It's what I do. 

Of course, I try to watch when they ring things up that I don't get overcharged as well.  But this incident yesterday got me to thinking and wondering what other people do.  I'm sure it happens to everyone.  Maybe they don't notice.  Or maybe they consider themselves lucky that day - like finding a $20 bill on the sidewalk.  And maybe most of them return to the store to pay for the items. 

The thing about those kinds of decisions is the fact that no-one ever needs to know.  It's a true test of ethics and honesty--a test of what you believe about yourself.  Writing about this in my blog sort of negates that a bit.  Sharing the experience publicly so that everyone might know places a possible different motivation on my honesty.  But at the moment of decision, it was a test and a proof to myself at least.

The thing that fascinates me is that there is still a decision at all for me every time such a thing happens.  That I hesitate for even a second surprises me.  The hesitation before the decision proves I can be tempted.

Disaster Averted - Maybe

Discovered a leak in the sprinkling system at the shut-off valve this morning.  I had been meaning to get to those weeds for a long time and finally today was the day.  I was shocked at the saturated ground and the sight of water running out of the pipe to the turn-off valve.  Alberto came right out when I called.  We did a series of turning things on and off inside and out, and determined the bigger leak was caused because the valve had been only partially opened.  It had probably been that way a long time.  But there did seem to be a small leak at the stop and waste valve.  At least it is no longer just pouring out of the pipe.  It's a tiny leak now, and will be repaired on Monday.

My big worry is how long has it been leaking and what sort of water bill am I going to have?   This month's water bill was a good 50% higher than normal.  I thought I had been watering way too much.  Probably it was this leak.  And since the city's water bills run a month later, I can expect another one like that, or worse.  Erg!  I feel a little sick to my stomach.  I'll call the city on Monday and see if they'll come out and read the meter to let me know where it stands.

Thanks goodness I have Alberto to call on.  While he was here, he showed me how to turn off the water at the curb where it enters the property.  This is something good to know when you live alone.  Emergencies happen. 

Found my contact lens

Found my missing contact lens. And it's a big deal because I lost it 24 hours ago. And I'd only had it a week--a replacement for one I had just lost before that. And these are so damned expensive--over $100 per lens--because they are gas permeable and bifocal, you don't want to be losing them every week. I knew I had lost it near the stairs so I searched the extended area all around (a blue contact on teal carpet?). Retraced my steps to the garage, in the car, to the pantry, everywhere I'd been, but no luck. I gave up and wore my old prescription lens today. Then tonight, putting some things away in the bedroom, I thought to myself, "Wouldn't it be funny if I just looked down and there it was?" So I looked down. And there it was.

The moral of the story is: If you're going to get old and careless and senile, at least be lucky.

Looking for the right fit

In a political vein, former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright said the other day she didn't know how any woman could vote for Mitt Romney.  A part of her quote really spoke to me and my own experience,

"I think there are some who believe they are actually protecting women, you know, and that it is better for women to be taken care of. I think women want to take care of themselves, and I think having a voice in how that is done is very important."

 I actually know a LOT of women who want to be taken care of.  And plenty of men who think that's their role.  But even way back in the 70s, I bristled at this idea.  I felt a healthy adult relationship required two people capable of taking care of themselves and jointly taking care of their mutual responsibilities.  I didn't want my husband to be a father to me, I wanted us to be equal in every way.  As an active member of the Mormon church at the time, I was way out of step.  Men were the "head of the household," held the priesthood (like a private men's club in the Mormon church), and were essential to a woman being able to achieve the highest reward in heaven.  Women were in every way auxiliary to men.  It was a big part of my reason for leaving the Mormons.

I just can't be auxiliary in the most important relationship in my life.  I need to be truly equal.

This concept has been on my mind a lot relative to this crazy activity of  "dating" after 60.  Having been on my own for six years or so, I have become even more self-reliant and independent.  For awhile I dated, with moderate success.  The best results seemed to be with men who had more liberal views of women.  It never worked out so well with the ones who wanted me to fit into THEIR idea of the ideal woman.  They seemed to have a fantasy of what I should be like rather than seeing the real me with eyes wide open.  And some seemed unreasonably compelled to carry out old traditional male/female roles.  And they wanted me to like what they like and do what they do without being very curious about what I might like.  The last guy I dated would ask me out telling me to choose a restaurant and then upon picking me up, would tell me where we were going.  This guy opened every door, picked up every check, and was so gentlemanly.  How could I complain?  This is probably the ideal man for 90 percent of women.  Unfortunately, I felt awkward and uncomfortable.  I didn't like being taken care of that much.

It's my own problem, of course.  I know that.  But sometimes it seems so silly to sit in the car while the guy runs around to open my door.  And if we both work, why shouldn't I help out with the cost of having fun together.  I like reciprocal kindnesses and courtesies.  And I'm as likely to open his door as he is mine--it's more a matter of what makes sense at the moment and not some arbitrary tradition.  Is that such a bad thing?  For some men it matters a great deal.

So where is that nice companion who fits me as well as I fit him?  One who accepts me as I am and doesn't try to push me into his idea of what I should be?  Is there such a one?  I'm starting to realize I hate the idea of growing old alone.  But I may be too choosy for my own good. 

Kindergarten

I love to stand with the other parents and grandparents, on the sidewalk just outside the school, when the teacher struggles to contain the crowd as she opens the gate, and a stream of littleness comes flowing out and scatters in a moment of excited chaos.  And I see that one little face searching the crowd for mine, and the moment of recognition that shows both relief and anticipation as he can barely contain the words that will soon come pouring out, telling all about the day, the new things he learned, the new friends he made, that tomorrow his table has show and tell, that a boy pushed him on the playground, that he doesn't like the mean lady with the whistle, and on and on and on with almost no pause, all the way home right on through lunch.

I especially love the little stories, some imaginary but laced with facts.  Which stories, I'm instructed, I must never, ever, ever tell anyone. 

And for a short time I get to see the world through the eyes of a five-year old boy.

And here I thought it was going to be hard to fit this new duty into my daily schedule.

Just moving along

The truth is, we're never really finished.  Fixing up, that is.  As long as we're homeowners, there's always something next for us to do.  Today I'm painting.  But just little jobs--nothing big.

Sometime this week, new blinds will be installed in the upstairs windows.  I had taken down the old ones five years ago when I got new windows and never replaced them.  Light curtains provided sufficient insultation and privacy.  But since I am getting shutters for the downstairs windows, I decided it was finally time to replace the blinds upstairs.

I got double-cell blinds, cordless, with bottom-up/top-down feature in the living room.  This will be nice for just blocking the lower part of the windows and providing enough privacy from the street while allowing for the long distance view of mountains and lake.  I opted against wood or faux-wood blinds as my windows are 72 inches high.  The stack of blinds when open would be about 14 inches, blocking a good portion of the upper window.  While I'm not a huge fan of the cell blinds, they offer a 3 inch stack when open.  I'm all about preserving the view.

Downstairs I opted for shutters just to dress up the windows more.  The family room does have large windows at a garden level, while the bedroom and bath have regular basement windows.  The cost was so reasonable for the size of the windows, I thought it was worth it to add a little more style to the rooms.

The couch and chair were delivered on Friday.  I am sure glad I didn't just go buy a whole bunch of furniture.  It's quite a small family room and is already getting filled up.  My idea was to arrange the major pieces of furniture first and then add end tables, coffee table, lamps, etc.  I won't get too carried away with moving the furniture around yet as the shutters don't get installed for three more weeks. 

Today I'm painting the upstairs window casings, having yesterday spackled the holes where the old blinds had been mounted.  While I'm at it, I'll do a little touch up painting in the bathroom where I caused some water damage.  And I'll touch up a spot on the doorway where the new furniture nicked the new walls. 

In the garage I have more things to sell, including a nice desk and four sets of golf clubs.  With the gold clubs out of the way, I can use the space under the stairs better for storing my vacuum and carpet cleaner.

Well, this update is more for my benefit than anything.  Definite progress has been made.  But I'm about ready to start thinking about the "doors and floors" project upstairs.  More on that another time. Let's get this finished first

Never really finished.

Poetry Wednesday: Unfulfilled

Unfulfilled

by Becky Stauffer

Sometimes the world 

feels so big,

and I, so small,

so weak.

I'd planned to do 

so much by now,

when I grew up,

got big.

But I never 

grew enough

to be equal 

to the task.

Copyright Becky Stauffer 2012

All rights reserved

Reprising the old Poetry Wednesday meme. 

I build a bookcase

One might wonder why a woman who spends weeks shopping at every furniture store in two counties for the perfect couch and finally has to special order it custom-built, would settle for assemble-yourself furniture in the same room.  I guess partly to save a little money and partly because this was a very pretty bookcase for furniture you assemble yourself.  Took me two hours on a Sunday afternoon.  Finished height is 48", I think.  I don't want any furniture taller than me in this room.  Here are the start and finish photos.

The couch and chair get delivered the first week in September, hopefully.  Window shutters are installed the week of September 19th.  Then I'll look around and decide what else is needed to complete the room.

Lesser Goldfinches

While I try to think of something interesting to write about, I'll post some pics of cute little Lesser Goldfinches.  They were attracted to the thistle feeder and have been around for a couple of weeks.  Just fueling up, I think, for the next leg of their migration.

I picked up this feeder about two years ago on a clearance table for a couple of dollars, and kept thistle seed in it for weeks at a time, until finally pouring it out onto a ground feeder for the quail and doves who could be counted on to clean it up.  I get larger American Goldfinches, but they seem to prefer the sunflower seed I put out for the other finches.  I thought the thistle feeder was a waste of time and nearly threw it out.  So I was tickled when this charming little group showed up a couple of weeks ago.  I hope they remember this nice place where they found such yummy seed when they're passing through again.

 

UPDATE:  The following day, I spotted the little finches foraging in the Russian Sage.

 

Aloneness

Capricorn (12/22-1/19)   The line between yourself and others is widening right now, as you are entering a phase of solo introspection. This is something to embrace, not to be worried about. Even if your social life has not been extremely active lately, you will relish the discrepancy between what is going on in your own life and what is going on in the lives of other people around you. This is your chance to step back from the world and bow out of social obligations. Get used to greater freedoms.  

I don't normally pay attention to horoscopes, but this one holds some good advice for me at this stage in my life. I am transitioning out of work, at least mentally.  I find myself disinterested in any events going on there.  I just do my job and go home to my "real" life.  My social life has  been non-existent for months.  My closest friend has family obligations that restrict her available time.  I have not been dating for a year now.  I've had contact from a couple of men, but I don't encourage them. I have felt the need to "step back from the world."  My social interactions are mainly my kids and grandkids.  Otherwise, I seek a lot of solitude in my own home and yard and in wild places where I can find birds.

This is not a new state for me.  I've been through such phases before.  It often occurs during a period of transition.  I seem to need it in order to make mental adjustments to changes in life.  I embrace aloneness when I feel I need it.

Aloneness is not loneliness.  The first thing is more of a choice, something you can control.  The latter is an emotional reaction to the former.  

It's interesting to me that the last words of the horoscope say, "Get used to greater freedoms."  Aloneness in itself gives one greater freedom.  But I'm actually thinking more in terms of the phase after this, when I retire.

Peace and Quiet

 This neighborhood has been quiet and peaceful, if less than friendly, for the better part of my 33 years here.  But neighbors to my west have been making it unpleasant for a few years now.  Things escalated today when a shouting match erupted between them and the neighbors on their other side, and police and animal control were called.  There had been a dog attack incident a couple of weeks ago and emotions are still raw.  But the neighbors on my west are irresponsible pet owners and they have no-one to blame but themselves--especially not the dogs.

I have the uneasy feeling that this is not the end of the feud with hotheads on both sides.  For the first time in 33 years, I think I'd like to sell my house and move away.

Yes unfriendly.  Many of the couples my age who lived here sold to 30-somethings who have plenty of money, toys, no kids, and time to play, but lack consideration for others.  Most of the older people who are still here are Mormons who, if you know Mormons, are only friendly to you if there's some possibility of getting you into the church, but who abandon you if all you want is a friend.  My true friends live some distance from here and wish I would move closer.  But I haven't, because I love my house, my yard, my view.  I never really cared much about the neighbors as long as they didn't interfere with me--at least until now.

It's times like this that I feel lonely and wish I had a companion nearby to understand and co-miserate.  You know, one really nice, like-minded friend to share coffee or a glass of wine at sunset.  *sigh*

Prothonotary Warbler - extremely rare in Utah

As promised, here's the third bird post in the trilogy.  About two weeks ago I began hearing that a Prothonotary Warbler had been seen in Ogden.  This is an extremely rare bird for Utah.  It likes warm, humid, even tropical climate.  It is found in the eastern U.S. down into South America, but it seems to stop at the Mississippi River.  A friend of mine photographed one in Utah six years ago.  I found it so unique and charming, I chose it for a watercolor subject for my class last summer.

So when I heard the specific location and directions, I made plans to look for this rarity on the coming weekend.  This is what is known as a "lifer" in the birding world--a bird so rarely seen, it hasn't made many birders' life lists for Utah yet.

Saturday morning I picked up my sister, Deb, and we drove to Fort Buenaventura State Park in Ogden, Utah.  I took my smart phone with my newly-purchased iBird app.  Once we arrived, we found the location quite easily and found a couple of other birders there.  I played a few of the bird calls on iBird, and got immediate response.  We found him!

We observed, listened, and watched this tiny brightly-colored bird flit among the branches.  But photographing him proved daunting.  Yellow leaves in the tall cottonwoods, and filtered morning sunlight made for a lot of mistaken sightings.  But then this charming bird flew down to a post just in front of us and gave us a great opportunity for some clear shots.  I was so thrilled, I could hardly get my camera in motion.  But I did!  I had to do some cropping to get close-up views, so these aren't as sharp as I would have liked.

 

We then moved a few steps along the trail and found the Yellow Warbler pair and their nest just about four feet off the ground.  These birds are all yellow with some brown markings, and very tiny!  This pair posed for me less than five feet away.

 

A week earlier, my friend had posted pictures of the baby birds: one baby warbler and two much larger COWBIRD babies!  By the time I saw it, the tiny warbler baby was nowhere to be seen and the cowbirds filled the little nest to overflowing.  Their wings hung over the sides. The warbler pair were working hard to keep these two birds fed.

A few days ago, another birder reported only one cow bird baby in the nest.  No-one knows what happened to the other.  Not the best scenario this year for this little pair of warbler parents.

Chickadees Fledge and I'm There With a Camera

Second in a trilogy of bird posts.  The chickadees were back for the third year in a row, making a home for new babies in a now rather-worn decorative birdhouse.  As before, I could hear the tiny dee-dee-dee sounds from inside the house when the parents arrived with food.  I knew it was getting close to fledge time when the parents were so busy rushing to and fro to bring food, they didn't notice me at all.  And then on the afternoon of June 4, I saw little chickadee faces leaning out from the birdhouse opening.  I ran inside for my camera to get the cute shots, and boy was I glad I did.

Suddenly a baby leaped from the house and flew right over my head.  I turned to see it land safely in the pine tree behind me.  It didn't realize until later that I had actually snapped the moment it exited the house.

And I was surprised to see that the baby left the house clinging to the parents' back.  The picture is blurry, but cropped for a closer view, you can see the baby and parent.  They must have separated immediately as the baby landed alone in the pine tree and the parent flitted nearby for a bit and then to the birdhouse.

Another baby was leaning out and the parents seemed anxious now by my presence.  So I went inside and allowed the remaining fledging to take place without my witness.  By next morning the bird house was quiet and empty.  They stayed away from the feeders for about a week, but now the whole family has returned and I again hear the chicka-dee-dee-dee calls in the trees.

Clark's Grebes at Bear River WMA

Well, I jinxed my remodel project by posting "almost finished" on Friday the 13th.  The project ground to a halt and limped along for more than two more months.  Nothing I could do about it, so accepted it and waited while things slowly happened.  More on that another day.  

In the meantime, I was having some fun and a little luck with my birding.  So here is the first of a trilogy of posts on birds.

On June 9th I headed out to Bear River Wildlife Management Area with one goal in mind:  Grebes.  And grebes I found.  Both Clark's and Western Grebes, but only got photos of the Clark's.  My camera battery died before I was halfway around the auto route.

Grebes seem almost playful with babies riding on the mom's back.  There were dozens, maybe hundreds of these.  Just adorable.

One baby on board

Two babies on board.

Dad catches a rather unwieldy fish.

Babies at play, mom completely unruffled.

Racing - go, mom go!

And, of course, the refuge offered views of many other birds.  Here are some Cinnamon Teal ducks.

And Eastern Kingbird, a first for me on this one.

Mallard ducks.

Northern Shoveler ducks.

Stately pelicans.

They seemed to fly in slow motion flying into a stiff wind.

A Snowy Egret.

Two White-Faced Ibis, appearing to be paired off with avocets.

A flotilla of cormorants.  And many more birds I didn't capture.