Winter really got me down this year. I've been trying to figure out why I was so down; it was hard to cheer up. Perhaps lack of sun with a lot of smoggy days and more snow than usual.
The extra snow this year actually makes me happy. Add to that a very rainy April, and the water situation in our dry state is greatly improved.
And I managed to get some projects completed that were on my winter list. And I helped my daughter (with the help of Alberto) finish converting the huge garden plot in her backyard to easy maintenance lawn and trees -- what she wanted.
I have not taken care of myself physically. It became easy not to go walking with the treacherous icy sidewalks. It became easy to stare at Netflix or anything at all on the TV and eat mindlessly. I sadly put on pounds over winter. Now I'm paying the price as not only do I need to get those pounds off again (and more), the extra weight makes everything I do more difficult and painful -- especially stairs. I know this is a big part of why I have felt somewhat depressed.
But with April came some nice weather, too, and I have been cleaning up flower beds and planting a few perennials. My little project of "winter sowing" of seeds in milk cartons is coming along. It makes me laugh, in fact. The plants are tiny, but boy are they tough, having been through snow, rain, a few days of heat. But now I will open up the tops and let them enjoy some May sunshine next week as the weather improves. Sometime in May I will plant them in the flower beds. Okay, not everything in the winter has left me depressed.
And the lovely birds have finally returned. I have filled all the feeders with fresh millet, sunflower seed, nyger, peanuts, and suet. Today I will add the hummingbird feeders. Already the first Lazuli Buntings have returned, lifting my spirits a great deal.
Yes, I'm very upset and depressed about the election. Things in our country, and by extension the world, are deteriorating fast. A mean spirit is pervasive. It's a time for the haters, the polluters, the greedy, the selfish, to thrive. This overpowers my positive nature almost every day. It's beyond my control, I know, but it makes me inconsolably sad about the future for my children and grandchildren. We have worked so hard and so long to improve protections for our environment. It's like when I planted a beautiful flower bed, and then it was destroyed in a flash from water overrunning the storm drains up the hill. Yes, that's how it feels. All our hard work has been destroyed. I'm not resolved to this and will be an ongoing part of the resistance until this scourge is removed from office.
One thing I know I need to stop doing is thinking about how my house looks to a prospective buyer. I've spent so much time, money, and effort fixing it up, I have forgotten my purpose: not just to have it ready to sell some day, but also to enjoy in its lovely state while I live here. It's my home and while I continue to improve it, I need to remember it is for ME now, and for the next owners sometime in the future.
A friend of mine has a blog where she has been writing about a "year of beautiful". What a good idea. What if I tried to even make every day a day of beautiful. If I can manage to have the beauty of day be its defining characteristic, perhaps I can better take in stride the difficulties, disappointments, and physical pain. This is a thought I will take over to my personal journal and explore a bit more.
So here it is, nearly May. I'm in a hole of my own digging. But I have energy in spite of pain. Today is Saturday, and I will make the most of it. It's a beautiful sunny day and the birds are singing. It's already a day of beautiful. And if I focus on a day of beautiful, I only have to do it one day at a time.
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