My mother lives in a state of limbo. She is still at her home, but her ability to function continues to decline--slowly. Two summers ago she was able to go outside and spend time on her patio, dig in her garden, prepare meals, do laundry. Now, she barely walks with the aid of a walker. She can't prepare food. She needs help with every daily function except operating the TV and lift chair. Her mind lives in a fantasy world of her creation. It pleases her that she's rich, she owns Park City, the largest ranch in North America, a fleet of helicopters and more. She has all kinds of imaginary family and friends (even a husband); some who visit every day and take her on outings. It's hard to sit patiently and listen to the thousandth telling of her stories. But there is little more to do besides making sure she is clean, fed, and safe. She's not going to get better. She is tired of life and prays to die. But she is getting good care and apart from a catastrophic event, she could go on like this for a long time. It is no kind of life.
I realize my own life has been in a sort of limbo as well. Of course, the pandemic forced all of us to put a lot of things on hold. But, this is more than that. Ever since I decided to get my house ready to sell, I mentally moved out. Everything I did after that, I would think, "what would the new owners want?" It has made me feel like I'm living in someone else's house right now. This is no way to live. But, with the crazy real estate market, I've finally decided not to try to sell now, but to wait until things equalize a little. Otherwise, I could end up downsizing without realizing any profit from my bigger, better house.
So, I need an attitude change. Starting
today, I am going to live in my house as if I'm not selling and moving. Everything I
decide will be because I want it. Of course, there are still two major issues that make it hard to live here and were the reason I was ready to move: my large yard and the stairs. But there are accommodations for those things. And, in fact, I have implemented accommodations this summer that have made a difference already
THE YARD
I
have hired Chavez to help with the yard. He is the new Alberto. He is
as good as Alberto, and a little less expensive. But also a little less
reliable. Still, he eventually shows up. He does clean up, mowing, trimming, pruning, sprinkling systems, spraying, planting, whatever I need. My intent was to retain the individual flower beds as my own responsibility. However, due to a small misunderstanding, Chavez now has ownership of care for the very steep and difficult west flower bed while I keep on with the rest.
I asked Chavez to weed that west garden for me earlier this
year, and he weeded it well--but also pulled up a lot of perennials in
the process and removed my drip irrigation. He explained there was too much
grass among some of the perennials to save them (he was right), and the
overhead spray was fine for the remaining flowers (he was wrong as
things change when the plants gain different heights). After my initial
shock at the destruction of all my years of hard work in that flower bed, and then talking it over with Chavez, I decided to
just go with it. There were still a number of good plants growing. I had
him plant two more perennials and a dozen zinnias for fall color and he
reran the drip system to cover every plant and capped off the overhead
spray. He piled a ton of mulch in there as well to keep down the weeds.
So now, it does look beautiful and it's his to maintain. I won't risk
life and limb in that flower bed any longer (how many dozens of times have I stood up in the hot sun and felt dizzy and nearly toppled off the four-foot rock wall there!). I will still take care of
the back yard and east gardens myself. And it's a relief because I don't
think physically I could do that west one anymore. Chavez owns the west garden.
I still have wildlife issues. For some reason, no gophers this year, but there were the raccoons. And now a couple of young bucks have begun frequenting my backyard and eating some of my flowers, including some really lovely hostas. But I'm being pragmatic about that--I live among the wildlife. The hostas will come back next year, and I'm no longer worrying about how the yard will look to buyers. I planted some vinca and coleus in those beds to supplement the perennials, so the beds still give me a happy feeling to look at.
In general, the yard is mature and I don't need to keep adding plants every year anymore. The things that have survived and thrived are the final garden. I will add very few perennials in the future, but will plant annuals in pots and add a few to the flower beds for extended color. The yard is managed until the day I once again decide to leave.
THE STAIRS
The stairs are mainly a problem when I have to carry things like laundry, groceries, or garbage. It's painful for the knees and back, and I risk falling. But a couple of simple accommodations have mitigated the risk.
For the laundry, I now use two large laundry bags with shoulder straps (dorm bags). I can carry
all the laundry downstairs at once, keeping my hands free to hold onto the
railing. I bring the clothes back upstairs in the bags one batch at a
time. This is totally manageable and not too hard on my knees and much
safer in terms of avoiding falls.
With groceries, I have started shopping more often and buying fewer items at a time so there is less to carry inside. I can manage three trips up and down the stairs okay. But after that, my back and knees start to hurt too much. I put my arm through the bag handles so my hands are free to hold the railings. For non-perishable heavy or large/awkward things like bottled liquids, sodas, cleaning supplies, toilet paper, etc., I just move them from the car to the stairs and leave them lined up against the wall to be carried up one at a time later as I make other trips up and down.
Carrying the garbage down is not a problem. I take one bag at a time. I don't let the bags get too heavy, and I tie them up so I can carry with one hand while holding the railing.
I'M STAYING, BUT . . .
Even
though I don't plan to sell my house right away, I am still going ahead
with my lists of things to do in every room. Plus, I am going to get
rid of my oversized, dark bedroom furniture and buy something smaller and lighter that I love. I'm also going to
get rid of the ugly old china hutch and my unused desk, and probably even my dining room table
and chairs. I was waiting for the move, but of course, I can buy the new, smaller furniture now.
I will continue to clean, repair, and downsize stuff everywhere because it makes me happier the more I do that. But for now, I do it for me and not for any future owners. With the help and accommodations I have arranged, I believe I can manage living here for some time longer.
Whoever it was that said, "Life is what happens while you're making other plans" was not entirely correct. Sometimes, when you make plans, your life can get put on hold and nothing happens. It's no way to live.
*****
Later today, I caught the deer lazin' in my shady backyard after finishing off three hostas completely.
