So Much Change

 

Is it possible to have too much change at once? I'm thinking it is. The past two months my daughter has been helping me with various projects in the house to get it ready to sell. To be honest, the house should have been ready long before now. Part of my problem is procrastination and part is that I have such a linear way of thinking about the process: I feel like things have to happen in a certain order and no other way will work. It's my mind trying to think through the efficiencies of what I'm doing and how to proceed so I don't end up doing things twice. Of course, I overthink things. A lot.

With my daughter helping me, it's forced me to stay more or less on track. She respects my linear thinking as she inherited some of that from me. But she has pushed me to get on with it and get things crossed off the list. The list. Some 80 items of things I think need to be done before I can list my house for sale.

And I have crossed off more than half the items at this point. But she is a teacher and has now gone back to work for the fall and can't come over and help as much. I took advantage of that this past week and, frankly, got lazy and unproductive. Although, a small excuse kind of boils to the surface when I think about it: A lot has changed in my house and it's a little bit hard to adjust to so much change so quickly. I notice it in Frankie, too. Now his bed is in a different location because of changes in my bedroom. Even after a couple of weeks, he seems a little unsettled about sleeping there. I know how he feels.

Just consider the large furniture that has left my house now: the grand piano, the large Queen Anne desk, the huge china hutch (68" wide), my tall bulky chest of drawers from the bedroom and most recently all the rest of my bedroom furniture. That last item was not on the list. But as other rooms began to feel open, spacious, and lovely, the bedroom still felt heavy, dark, somewhat oppressive. Well, the walls are a dark green to start with. But the furniture I had come to hate was big, dark brown, too ornate, and in bad condition. It felt to me that the room needed lightening, I already had white curtains and had switched to a new white with green comforter. I could see I was part way there. It was very clear that the old furniture needed to go and I needed something light.

This was not a new idea. I'd been looking at furniture for some time and I knew it would need to be light gray, white or off white. I looked at many options online and made a spreadsheet to help me keep track and to compare (yes, I am that person). My plan was to live with the old furniture until after moving and then buy the new things to be delivered right to the new place. But suddenly, a few weeks ago, I had a whim and decided to order my furniture at once.

I did it. I ordered the furniture from a well-known online company after much searching, comparing, and reading customer reviews. That was all a story in itself, but I'll spare you the details.

I immediately removed all items from my exiting furniture and put everything into large bags where I could find what I needed during the transition. I gave the old furniture away. It had too many issues to try to sell it. I'd had it for over 40 years, and my in-laws who gave it to us had it some years before that. It was old and ugly. But when I listed it for free, someone was at my house within a couple of hours and carried it all away.

As I awaited the arrival of the new furniture, I cleaned: walls, carpets, baseboards. The room felt so clean and fresh. I slept on a bed without a headboard pulled away from the wall a few feet, and discovered, how comfortable that was. That old wood headboard was creaky and overpowering. I had purchased a white padded headboard to replace it some weeks earlier, but hadn't installed it awaiting the room cleaning. But even with no headboard at all, bedtime felt more peaceful and I found it easier to fall asleep.

The furniture arrived, and I quickly had it set up. I paid the small extra fee to have the deliverymen take it directly to the bedroom rather than leaving by the garage door.  That was well worth it and I didn't need to call on family members to carry the very heavy pieces in. I did, however, unpack the items myself which was messy and took longer than I expected with lots of cardboard and styrofoam to deal with. I only purchased a large dresser and two nightstands plus the headboard. I had fewer but larger drawers now. I didn't get a tall chest of drawers because I had emptied the old one and reduced my drawer contents to all fit in just the dresser. I'd ordered the matching mirror but ended up sending it back as it was just to much matchy matchy in the room. I kept my old mirror and it's perfect. I didn't then, and still haven't, attached the feet to the pieces. I'll do that at the new house. It still looks pretty, but I thought the feet made the furniture too tall for my room. I wanted to keep things sleek and serene.

I don't know why I waited several days, almost a week, before moving my clothes into the drawers. The bedroom looked beautiful with everything in place. But the change was so big, both Frankie and I felt like we were in someone else's house. Even after filling the drawers, I struggle to remember which drawer has what and I'm still adjusting.

So if I was lazy last week and unproductive, maybe I needed that. I needed time to start feeling at home again in my bedroom and other rooms of the house. To get used to the seriously big changes I've made.

And I think I'm about there. I woke up today in a good mood and feeling no pain in knees. I looked around at my beautiful bedroom and felt pleased. I'd had six hours of uninterrupted sleep, which is very unusual for me, and might have slept longer if Frankie hadn't gotten up. The soft quiet headboard is one factor in my peaceful feeling. But there's more. The room really is serene and more sleep inducing. I should have done this long ago.

I feel ready to get back onto that list and finish up the last remaining items. There are no more really big changes to make. Mostly what's left is cleaning and rearranging. In my office I will pack up all my own memorabilia projects as well as the slides project from my parents' house. Those things will sit in moving boxes in the garage and will find their way to the new house in that state. I won't try to tackle any such projects now.

The garage remains the biggest thing to tackle still. And even though that involves getting rid of a lot of stuff, it won't have the same impact on me, I'm sure, as the inside of the house. I also now need to do some autumn sprucing in the yard. My yard care guy has become somewhat unreliable. But the yard is in decent shape considering we've had watering restrictions this year and the grass nearly died. Recent rain has got things growing, including the weeds. I'll do a little weeding and try to plant a few things for color. That will do. Oh yes, I still plan to paint the front porch. Well, these are large tasks and will take me a little more time. But I'm very very close now.

Of course, the biggest change of all will be moving into a new house. Maybe the major change in my bedroom will have helped prepare me mentally for that big change. I do think there is such a thing as too much change at once. And it can be debilitating. For awhile. But at some point, I have to pull myself together and carry on.

Morning visitors. Mom and three fawns (number 3 wandered around the side of the house). Look how green my lawn looks after two heavy days of rain! It was all yellow a week ago. Ignore the weeds. I'll get to them.

Life Expectancy

 I got thinking the other day about how old I am (74) and wondered, statistically speaking, how much longer I might expect to live. It seems life expectancy ages dropped a bit during Covid, but are more back to normal this year. That means I might expect to live to be around 81. That's seven more years. Good lord, when you think of it that way, it's a little shocking. You always think you have another decade or two left. Of course, that's based on averages and includes sick people and others who die much younger. My mom, for example lived to be 91. My dad lived to 90. But none of us knows what lies ahead and how much time we have.

Along that vein, I progressed to thinking about how I spend my time, especially now that I may have precious little of it left. Things really are coming into focus for me. I know with more certainty what I want to do more of and what I don't want to do at all.

I'm looking at everything I do, and judging whether it's worth some of my limited remaining time or not. It's okay to waste time, because rest and relaxation are valuable, too. But I'm sure not going to waste any more time on things that don't bring happiness to me or my loved ones, or things that cause worry but that I can't change. It has to all be about quality now since the quantity of life is getting short.

Today, I wrote a much longer, more detailed plan in my private blog listing specific things I will do more, or less, or not at all. It helps me to realize how much time I've wasted on futile efforts. But no more. Some of the things I will do the same or even more of are cooking and baking, birding, music, gardening, entertaining my family, enjoying my little dog. Things I will cut back on are home decorating, watching TV news, watching TV in general, and worrying about the state of the world.

From here on out, life expectancy for me means getting what I expect from the rest of my life.

House Hunting

Things are starting to change in the local real estate market. There is a larger inventory of houses overall, and prices seem to be stabilizing or even dropping slightly for the house I'm in the market for. The listings for that type of house and location range widely from about $470k to $650k. There is not sufficient justification for the price difference except, I think, that people are willing to pay the price to get a one-level house. Probably boomers like me who own their homes and can pay cash. But some of those houses are very overpriced and I don't think property values will sustain that over time. I don't want to get into a situation where I pay so much for a house that my kids have to sell it for less when I die. So I'm looking at the lower to middle end of that scale.

I'm looking in a very specific neighborhood where two of my sons and their families live. The house must be one level, and not too close to a busy street or highway. I have other wishes, but I have decided that most of those are not really deal killers. But location is essential

There have been several one level houses available in recent weeks, but two of them had backyards facing Legacy highway, which has become very noisy now they have started allowing semis and other large trucks there. I need to be at least a few streets away from Legacy. Another house was on one of the two main roads that travel through this little suburb. But the city has approved something like a thousand or more new units (town homes, etc.) to be built on the other side of Legacy, and that will increase traffic on those two roads. I definitely don't want a driveway that backs out onto those. I also want to be at least a few streets away from the very busy Redwood Road that carries heavy truck traffic.

Two good possibilities came on the market this morning. Both 3-bedroom, both listed at about $500k. One is on a corner, close to my son's house, but the corner is on the busy main drag through Foxboro. I like literally everything else about this house. It has a slightly larger yard with a covered patio. But the busy street and a school across the street might be a deal killer. At least the driveway doesn't back onto the busy street. The other house is about a mile away and is almost perfect. It has a smaller yard but no covered patio. But it has an extra room--a small entry living room that would be perfect as a music room. It has upgraded finishes inside. But it's in an HOA at $35 per month--I wanted to avoid an HOA, but that's not a deal killer, really. The location is perfect as far as noisy or busy roads, but a little further away from my son than I wanted to be. I posted a picture of this sweet house above. It really is my ideal home.

 But I have some things yet to do before I make any offers. I am still working on my long list in my own house. Although, I'm buckling down and getting those things done. I think my house will be ready for viewing in a week.

I need to call my credit union and find out about short-term mortgages in case I want to buy before I sell. And I need to call and get quotes on storage pods in case I want to sell before I buy. The later seems like a better possibility. The costs for a pod is moderate, and they will take it to a storage location until you are ready to move in to a new place. Taking that route would give me cash to buy a house, making me more competitive. I could live out of suitcases with my son or daughter for a short time. They both have room for me and Frankie.

Even though houses are remaining listed for a little longer before selling than they were earlier this year, I probably won't be ready to buy before these two possibilities sell. But you never know. And I expect to continue seeing more of the same in the coming weeks and months.

I have to forget all about emotional things that are holding me back. I need to go into zombie mode of just working and making phone calls, and getting things done, and not over-thinking. It's time to get serious.

Transitioning

 It's been a long old slog getting to where I am today. I've been bogged down by so many things: pandemic, mom's illness and death, clearing mom's house, downsizing everything in my own house and a long list of to-dos. I have serious mood swings and bouts of motivation and lack of. I set goals I can't achieve, and feel like a failure. I look at houses for sale online and feel utterly discouraged by the crazy prices. (It turns out my county is one of the top 14 in the country where housing has become unaffordable!) I am repeatedly let down by people I hire or who I otherwise depend on. I often feel depressed. Some days, I sit on the couch and only get up to feed Frankie or let him out.

But I feel lately that something is changing. Maybe it's spring and improving weather. Maybe it's because I've had a couple of breakthoughs that feel like real progress. Maybe it's my mind finally settling into a transition from what was to what can be.

Changes in my community are huge and stark and not necessarily nice. Where previously existed houses and empty lots are now rows of condos and apartments. My favorite Mexican restaurant is gone, giving way to development. My favorite Chinese takeout has closed with the owner's retirement. Even natural events have changed the landscape: trees blown down in a storm or dying of old age leaving big gaps that makes my heart sad. My former thoughtful neighbors have moved away and I'm left with people who don't care about upkeep on their yards or houses and who let their dogs run loose and bark constantly. I know every neighborhood has its problems, but I'm surrounded by a new ugly.

So much change. My daughter commented the other day that she had wondered if she would miss our house when I sell it. But then she said that the house has so changed from when she lived here, that almost nothing is the same anyway. And it's true. The stone fireplace is the same but nearly every inch of the house and yard have otherwise changed over the past 10 years or so. But for me, there's still the nostalgia of the view of Antelope Island and scenes west from my perch on the hill. And watching the changing sunset sky over Mount Ben Lomond to the north as I sit in my TV room. And simply the peace of my patio, watching birds and enjoying a cool place. 

But my mind is changing about those things now, too. You can see Ben Lomond from many places throughout the valley. Antelope Island, too. My next house will have different views, but the important thing is that I can make it another place of peace and enjoyment. I think forward to that time now with more anticipation than ever. And it makes me feel excited that I will be so close to my kids and grandkids.

I made a list of all the things I still need/want to do in my house; 80 things! Well, large and small things including washing all the walls in the house. There are things on the list others tell me I just don't need to do. But it's a matter of pride for me. I want to turn my house over to its new owners ready to live in. I have been overwhelmed by the size of the list and it has caused some failure on my part to get anything at all done. But I'm resolved now to do just ONE thing. And when that's done, do another ONE thing. And stop thinking about the big picture, the whole list.

April has been a success as far as downsizing personal items in closets and drawers. I suddenly became bold about giving away clothing and personal items. My daughter gave me a good tip: pick out the things you want to keep. Then get rid of everything else. It was a good approach and was pretty fast going as well. I'm embarrassed to say I found some items in the closet with new tags on them still--never worn. But either too small or no longer something I like. That money is already spent and I gain nothing by holding onto the items. So out they go. It was liberating to be so bold. I have reduced my clothing alone by nearly half.

It's a problem for me that I often have a lot of real physical pain and it holds me back. But I have to live with that and do what I can. Some days I have to do small tasks with no stair climbing. Other days I feel strong and nearly pain-free and can handle many trips up and down. But those stairs are a daily reminder of why I need to move soon.

 I'm not sad about the big changes I've made so far -- selling the piano and desk and getting rid of so much stuff. Transitioning to life without those things has really been quite easy. And that's proof, if I needed any, that it doesn't matter how much or what items I keep or get rid of, I am fine with all of it. 

Every week there are one or two houses without stairs listed for sale in the neighborhood where my sons live -- my target location. I have to be sure I'm not being too picky and understand that I have to compromise on some wish items. But the two this past week were both very close to the freeway. I want something a little further east than those so I can enjoy being outside. The two last week were possibilities but really represented the highest end and lowest end of the possibilities in those homes. One was really too small and a bit run down. The other was lovely in every respect with a fireplace and high end finishes, but also very high priced -- almost the same as my larger house would sell for. I want something in between those options. I do have a wish list, but I'm willing to compromise. And I'm not averse to doing some changes once I move in. I consider each house that comes up, and imagine how it would be living there. Truly trying to make a mental transition from here to there. I can't change the location or size of the house, and those are basic to my wants. But otherwise, I'm keeping all options open.

Change is hard. And I think it's particularly hard when we're old and set in our ways and used to things the way they've been for a long time. But it's really important for me to embrace change right now in order to make a comfortable, livable life for the remaining years I have.

Another much loved item leaves the house

Sold my pretty Queen Anne style desk today. It was part of my home office for all those years I worked from home. But lately, my office has been unused and become a catch-all room. The furniture was just gathering dust. I know I need to have less furniture when I move, so the time had come to sell this lovely desk. I really have loved it and enjoyed it. But now I will just enjoy the memories.

It turned out to be a more popular item that I had expected, and I ended up with a waiting list of people who wanted to buy it. The young woman who did buy it was thrilled with it as she was just setting up an office for her young business. It always feels good when your beloved possessions are passed along to someone who will appreciate them as much as you do.

The End of an Era

The piano movers came today. In 30 minutes they had it all packed up, in the truck and on its way. I am sitting here still feeling a little stunned and sad. I had tried to prepare myself mentally, but it's a loss and I'm feeling it. Damn, it's harder than I thought it would be.

I had them take it out through the French doors in the dining room to avoid those difficult stairs. I did a lot of prep work to make the move easy for the guys. I moved all the dining room furniture out, moved all the living room furniture to the fireplace side, outside I trimmed some trees that were obstructing the path, and I shoveled some snow and put down ice melt. My son helped me move stepping stones on the slope at the side of the house where my landscaper had put them. They would only trip up the movers. In fact, they were frozen into the mulch, so by moving them, the resulting large divots made good footholds.

This move marks the end of an era for me. Once my house was filled with people, and noise, and music, and life. Now, it's just me and I can't fill it up. Yesterday, someone I was watching on TV said something to this effect, "The end of something is just the beginning of something else." Many ways of saying that, and it sounds a little trite. But today, it does feel like a turning point--a moment in time of no going back now.

It is time to find a new place to live and turn this house over to a new family who will fill up all its corners and bring life to it again.

Bye bye my lovely grand piano

 

Selling stuff is hard work and a lot of getting hopes up only to be disappointed. But after close to seven weeks, a couple of failed deals, a handful of lowball offers, a dealer who wanted me to consign it, and even some hoaxsters who get their kicks setting up appointments with no intention of showing up--after all that, a serious buyer came, played it, examined it, and put down cash.

It was actually the buyer's parents who bought it. The buyer lives in Oklahoma and apparently has several kids who play very well. It pleases me my lovely piano will be going to a family home where it will be used and loved. But it's a bittersweet pleasure. It's also sad to see my beautiful piano I've owned for over two decades leaving my home. I'm having chills and goosebumps in the wake of accepting the offer.

But the pragmatic side of me realizes this is an important step in being able to sell my house and move on. I am so focused on making that happen now. It will take a little while for them to make the arrangements to move the piano. But the process is in motion now. And I've accepted it mentally and emotionally, and have made a deal with myself that I have my memories and that will have to do for me now.