Worth Waiting For

When the air clears and warms up a little, February can be quite beautiful.  This sunset lasted a long time tonight and I just sat and watched and finally decided I needed to take its picture.

Inversion again

Yet again, the inversion has settled in making for dismal daytime weather and bad air for those who like to breathe.  Before the sun came up this morning, I could not even see across the street.  Now visibility is slightly better, but there is no view of mountains or valley.  We are promised a snowstorm tonight, significant enough to blow away the stagnation.  I abandoned my plans to look for bald eagles this weekend.

Winter is not yet over.  The snow has been melting and temps have been in the high 30's and even 40's of late, which feels good after long stretches below freezing.  But the cold temps are also predicted to return by mid-week.  It's a reminder that winter extends into March here, and even after that continues to make appearances. 

Still, as January draws to a close, I resist the temptation to simply appreciate surviving it.  There has been good progress indoors on my projects.  Good things are happening at work.  And I can even see beauty in the fog through my windows (as long as I don't try to breathe it).  Life is too short to simply write off a month out of every year.  It behooves us to make the time we have worthwhile.  As for me, I'm sticking to the plan.

Cocooning

The air outside is unbreathable.  We are urged to drive less.  Burning in fireplaces and wood stoves is forbidden.  Those with respiratory conditions are advised to stay indoors / not exercise.  It's a "red air day" - common for January in northern Utah.  Often the worst air in the U.S. at the time.

The mountains in northern Utah form something of a bowl around the Wasatch Front communities.  Wintertime air stagnation causes fog from the lake and pollutants from vehicles, planes, and industry to become trapped at low elevations where most of us live, while the air higher in the mountains is clear and beautiful.  We look forward to storms that blow through and clear out the gunk from our valleys.  In between times, weather forecasters tell us whether it's a green, yellow, or red air quality day, and we adapt accordingly.

I've decided that since I feel somewhat confined in my home due to the bad air, I'm going to make the most of it.  This is a good opportunity to focus internally -- on both myself and my home.  I am lucky to work from home most of the time, so even that plays into my plan.  I am wrapping myself up, so to speak, inside my home, giving me a chance for some personal introspection, renewal, and preparation before setting off on new paths and pursuits in the coming months and year.

I will live inside a chrysalis of my own making and begin to do the work that later will bring about subtle or possibly even startling changes.  For several decades I defined myself as part of a couple.  Now I am finding out who the individual is that I am.  Wrapped up and somewhat secluded from the outside, I hope to grow further into a person who is all me -- carrying all of the influences of the past not as baggage, but as formative experience and wisdom -- and transforming myself to step into the next phase of my development.

In a few weeks, we'll probably have our typical return to winter after this bit of thaw we are enjoying.  There will yet be snow and freezing, though the temperatures will begin to rise gradually.  If you're a gardener, you know the rule of thumb in Utah is not to plant until after Mother's Day when we can usually count on no more temperatures below the freezing mark.  Winter lasts a long time here. 

Oh, but I won't wait for Mother's Day to emerge from my cocoon.  I'll begin unwrapping the layers gradually as spring approaches.  As I feel ready.  I will emerge from this period of transition, conscious of everything around me and my juxtaposition to those things.  I have an unexpected and profound feeling of freedom and renewal this year.  I'm eager to plunge into a warmer, sunnier world.

I don't know entirely what to expect when the new me emerges from my secluded period.  For now I'm focusing on the internal -- discovering, growing, preparing.  When I do emerge, I'll breathe deeply of the good clear air, I'll stretch out my limbs in celebration of my freedom, and I'll venture into the beautiful and welcoming spring.

And then, we shall see . . .

Not going to sweat the small stuff

My daughter and I were talking the other day about how easy it is to get carried away with worrying about things big and small and what a waste it often is when you look back at the problem.  Almost all the time, the issue gets resolved and you move on and the worrying did nothing but take off precious minutes of your life.

As trite as it sounds, I think my one real resolution this year is to not sweat the small stuff.  And as my daughter points out (more triteness coming), it really is almost all small stuff.

I had a great boss once (then a lawyer, now a judge), who really embodied this practice.  When something would go wrong, he'd let off with a string of epithets that would wither a sensitive soul.  And then he was done with agonizing and was on to the practical problem-solving.

I have tried to adopt some of this approach in my own life - to get past any worry, frustration, anger, and other negative emotions that tend more to debilitate than to help any situation.  I've been relatively successful with getting on with the problem-solving phase quickly, and I am good at letting go of anger to the point that I honestly rarely even feel anger anymore.  But it has been hard to let go of the worrying.

This is something I really want to focus on this year.  And as a born worrier, this will be a real challenge.

Inventory

The year comes to an end, and that always marks a time of new beginning for us as well as review of events of the past year.  It has been a year of minimal blogging for me.  I've had little interest in opining on politics or current events, and have been more focused inward in my life.

January brought the completion of my kitchen remodel which started the year off right.  It has been a year of parties and entertaining and sheer enjoyment as a result.

February my daughter surprised us all with a secret marriage.  It was a wonderful thing as her husband, my son-in-law, is such a fine person and they are both so suited to each other.  I have been most happy with this event.

The wedding prompted plans for a party in June, which led to my locating a landscaper.  Improving my outside areas became the theme of spring, summer and fall.  I've posted many pictures of the process and, again, could not be more happy about the outcomes.  For the first time in the 31 years I've lived here, the entire yard is finished and beautiful - and just the way I want it.

Mid-summer brought the wonderful event of the Paul McCartney concert, attended by my sisters and me and several of my dearest friends.  It was thrilling and unforgettable.

The first part of the year found me still weepy about the death of my ex-husband. I began to feel weary of teariness and determined to try to bring about a change.  I set a deadline on the anniversary of his death in July, promising myself no more tears and no regrets.  It became my theme for the rest of the year.  I found simply making that decision and setting a deadline and observing it worked for me.  And though the memories still arise, I no longer find myself on the verge of tears when they do.

My emotional strength was further challenged when J and I said goodbye in May as he moved to Minnesota.  We had been together for two and a half years - I was only separated but not divorced when we met.  He was a touchstone for me through the separation, the legal hassles, the many ensuing events.  He was an escape when I needed it.  He was someone intelligent and informed to talk with, someone witty to laugh with, someone warm and kind to be with.  Neither of us anticipated how hard it would be to say goodbye.  Even now we stay in touch by phone and email, and I feel I have a friend for life.  I extended my no-tears-no-regrets theme to J, and we both agreed that was the way it had to be.  The distance between us would be impossible to overcome and we both needed to find new companions.  We haven't yet, but we will.  But long phone conversations, talking and laughing, continue to help bridge that gap.

In the last half of the year I began thinking seriously about the time when I would retire from work.  After a talk with my boss, it was decided it was time to bring on another writer for our staff.  We have begun the interviewing process and my hope is to find someone who will fully replace me and I can leave when I'm ready.  That will be in about two years.

I turned 63 this week.  It feels absolutely no different from 62.  However, physically I've failed to take care of myself this year and have gained back some of the weight I lost.  After the loss of my ex-husband, I stopped walking daily and stopped watching what I ate.  The pounds crept back almost imperceptibly.  I did take up bicycling, but that wasn't a daily activity and was not enough.  I know I have to return to my walking routine.  When J left, I did worse for awhile, but turned things around in November.  I am back on the right track now, heading in the right direction and hope to continue that into the new year.

I do have some goals for the new year.  Continuing to get into better shape.  More improvements around the house.  More music - both piano and guitar, and perhaps lessons.  More bicycling.  Keep up the landscaping.  More birdwatching and photography.  In other words, just keeping on keeping on.

In summing it all up, the year definitely ends in the positive column for me.  I feel happy, contented, and strong.  I know there will be tough things to deal with in the new year.  But that's life.  I'm feeling prepared for what is to come next.

And once again, the tree is up, we can have a little Christmas

I didn't know if I had time to get it up this year, but so glad I did.  No sooner was I finished, than the grandsons showed up and had to inspect every little item hanging on the boughs.  It was worth the work just to hear their delightful comments.

 

Eagles: Please Come Home for Christmas

I promise to stop missing my special friend any day now.

Thanksgiving and more November Snow 2010

From the blizzard that fizzled a few days earlier, I got a few interesting pics as well as Thanksgiving day.  We're missing Eric, who's in Kansas City, and Jenn and Zach who spent Thanksgiving in Idaho this year.

Here are progressive shots of the storm starting with the approaching front, and ending with blue skies the following day with one interesting shot of lake effect gathering moisture from the warmer lake waters.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 And Thanksgiving.

 

 

 

 

First Snow - November 2010

It came down hard for awhile and made the roads pretty slick.  I think we got 6 to 8 inches by this morning.  I'll go out and shovel at daylight and then I'll know better.  There are supposed to be three or four waves of this, with the second coming later today, another on Monday and one more on Tuesday.  Better to keep up on the shoveling than to let it pile up.  It's beautiful looking at it from the windows.

These shots are from last evening.  I'll add more once we have some good daylight here.

Finished first round of shoveling around 8:30 a.m. Had help from a neighbor boy or I'd still be out there. I'm guessing we had 10 to 12 inches in all. Fog has rolled in now and maybe the next wave is starting. Not bad work for an old lady, I think. Now for something warm to drink.

 

 

 

Ending with a spot of sunlight on pristine, white Antelope Island.

Going digital

I started a project to convert all the old family slides to digital photos.  It's just the start of a winter-long project to reduce various things I use to digital form.

The slides will be a slow project as I will pick and choose which ones to keep and which ones to skip.  Those slides are from the days when you had to get the film developed and for whatever reason, we kept every single shot -- good or bad.  But I'll be more selective.  I find I need to do a little color correction, too, due to the age of the photos.  The little converter I bought is cheap and doesn't do a very good job with any shots that contain a lot of white.  I'll set those aside and find another method of converting them -- may have a photo shop do them for me.  Once done, I can just store the slides themselves until I feel ready to throw them out, and I can get rid of all those reels that hold them now.

Another project is to convert CDs and vinyl to MP3 which will allow me to build play lists and to play through an iPod dock station, making my music more accessible and convenient.  Putting CDs in and out of a multi-disk player is slow.  Isn't that funny to think of that as slow?  I bought a USB turntable that will allow me to move some of my favorite old vinyl to MP3 as well.

Then there's that huge collection of CD's I hauled over from the ex's house after he died.  Most of them I don't want, but there's enough value in all of that to make it worthwhile to catalog and sell on eBay or some other way.  So that I will do as well.

Perfect jobs for cold winter nights when we just want to stay in.  The first really big winter storm is predicted for this weekend.  I'll get photos I'm sure.  Happily, I had Alberto and the guys here this week to clean up all the leaves.  As usual, they left my yard looking like a million bucks, cut down all the dead plants, raked the mulch, even cleaned the rain gutters and the street gutters.  All I need to do is cover the patio furniture now.

I feel prepared for winter this year.  Tonight I'll do all the shopping for Thanksgiving week in case I find myself really snowbound over the weekend.  And then I can sit in my cozy house and work on my projects and watch movies to my heart's content.

J. Brahms: Rhapsody in G minor Op. 79, No.2

I'm just starting to learn this piece.  It's moderately difficult but especially if played up to speed.  These old fingers may never be able to accomplish that, but I so love the depth of tones this produces from my piano.  It's a rare piece that uses the entire keyboard down to the very lowest A.  I find it inspiring to think of other hands that have played these very same notes over about 150 years, including the original composer -- that my own fingers walk in those exact same paths  Reading music is perhaps like learning a foreign language -- another language in which to express yourself.  Not unlike an actor reciting lines of Shakespeare, the notes connecting the page to the keyboard also connect you to so many others down through the years.  It's a rather thrilling thought.

Rainy Day

It's overcast and damp today.  I'll get the snow tires put on the car and run a few errands.  Then maybe a drive to the bird refuge to see some swans.  It's a birthday today.  We always remember the birthdays even when other things begin to fade.

Chopin

I am so uninclined to blog these days.  Took down many of my RSB posts.  But will share this lovely video this beautiful autumn morning.

Only You