Nasturtiums in Late October

Everything in the yard is either dead, buried in leaves, or eaten by the deer. Except the nasturtiums that just keep on looking showy and pretty. Started from seed, these are the bargain star performers this year. Don't deer eat nasturtiums?

Eleven

Can't help it, I have started counting down.  Eleven weeks from today - January 4th-- my last day of working for a living.

Baggage

Sometimes the things we hold on to are not nearly as important as the things we let go of.

I just heard that sentence tonight and it resonated with me.  I'm very good at holding onto things.  Witness all the "stuff" still in boxes in my house.  But bigger than that is all the baggage I've been carrying around for a long long time.  I'm talking the invisible kind.  But I wonder, how do you clean house of that kind of "stuff"?

Is there something you think of every single day?  Involuntarily?  And wish you wouldn't?

It's a rhetorical question.

I assemble one more thing

I know I said I was finished assembling furniture.  But I still had this storage shelving to assemble for the garage.  There are boxes of various things I'm not ready to throw away, stacked in my office.  Been there since last February.  I'm sure ready to get those out of here--I've been needing a place to put them since I no longer have storage space in the downstairs.

I bought this shelving for three reasons: It was good sized (24' deep 48" wide), the box stated that assembly required just a hammer, and each shelf supposedly could hold 1000 pounds.  The box was so heavy, I couldn't get it onto a cart, and a guy at Lowe's loaded it onto a cart, helped me at the checkout, and got it into the car for me.

At home I wrangled it out of the trunk, carefully sliding it out, and with a little leverage, carefully lowered onto its end in the garage.  Then I just "walked" it to where I wanted it and carefully lowered to the floor.  Once there, I could just open the box and deal with individual pieces quite easily.

I had no idea it would be so easy.  Little button-like things on the shelf bracket slid into keyhole openings.  A hammer just tapped them into place.  What a welcome change from the old days of dozens of nuts and bolts and cross brackets.

Here is the first half.  The joints between the lower and upper were a little tough and took a little more diligent hammering.

 In all, maybe half hour to 40 minutes - no sweat.

I have read online reviews of shelving at several stores before deciding on these.  Some people complained about the pressed wood shelves instead of metal.  But I sure like just slipping the shelf into the brackets.  I don't mind them at all.  And the price was right, too.  $89.

I am autumn

I woke up this morning confused about the day -- thinking it was Monday, acting as if it were Monday, planning my activities.  It took me 45 minutes to realize it's Sunday.  The day yesterday was so busy, maybe I feel like I got two days' worth out of it.  Or maybe it's that age thing again. In thinking what to write today, I remember my poem "October" I wrote last year (http://bekkieslife.blogspot.com/2011/10/october.html). I'm linking to it here because today is just such a day again.  And because I'm reminded, I, too, am autumn.

The TV console that took two weeks to assemble

Well, that headline is a little misleading.  I started assembling this a little over two weeks ago.  And when I had it all together, the bottom drawer just wouldn't slide in.  I finally determined the rail was faulty and called and ordered a replacement which arrived today.  So here is the project that didn't really take two weeks.  Just three evenings separated by two weeks.

The hard step: Attach two sides to four different pieces of wood at once using cam locks and wood pegs. Nine pegs to line up on each side.   This step took a lot of patience.  Luckily I'm long on that commodity.

The first side was easy. But the second side was oh so tricky trying to keep all four unruly pieces of wood in place so as to slide all nine pegs into their proper holes. My struggle was interrupted by a long phone call from a friend, which relaxed me enough that everything just went together on the next try.  So far so good.

The basic cabinet was done. I decided to wait until the next evening to do the top and the drawers. I thought nothing would be as hard as those sides were.  But the drawers turned out to be a demon.  Well, one drawer anyway and just one side.  It just wouldn't slide in. 

I finally determined the rail was faulty.  I gave up until I could get a replacement rail.  When I examined the replacements (they sent me a pair), it took me a bit to figure out they had sent the complete assembly with drawer side and cabinet side.  I got the piece I needed and studied the job.  I wasn't sure how hard this was going to be as the rails had been factory installed and I had not had to attach them originally. But it was not hard at all--just four small screws. Easy out with my power drill.  Easy back in--carefully screwing in by hand.  And then the drawer slid in like a charm.   

So the TV console is finished. No more furniture assembly remaining to do.  No more construction.  Even the final inspection is over.  The place is ready for me to move in. I can finally put this room together.  Pictures soon of the completed remodel.

Another take on the Red Hat poem

Three years ago (how does time pass so quickly?!) I wrote a blog post on Growing Old and The Red Hat Ladies. Just three short years ago!  Oh how our attitudes can change when our bodies and minds begin to show the first evidences of age.

This morning I broke my little 4-cup coffee pot--banged it on the marble countertop.  Not on purpose, of course, but just being clumsy and in a hurry.  It's something I've begun to notice about myself lately.  Clumsiness.  And forgetfulness.  And a kind of general ennui that's hard to pin down.  I guess it's age.

And now I think of the red hat poem as not only some deliberate act of rebellion, but perhaps also mere surrender to age with its foibles and wacky impulses.  Yes, I am feeling it now.

Jenny Joseph was in her 30's when she wrote the poem, and so wrote it as one who could only observe old-age behavior.  Well just you wait, Jenny Joseph, when you're 65 and you start to realize not just what we do, but why we do it.

My thoughts are a bit more tempered now towards the red hat ladies and their luncheons and parties and dressing up.  They refuse to surrender.  And a group is always stronger than one alone.  Strength in numbers.  And good for seniors who are starting to get clumsy and forgetful.  I may not join the red hats, but I'm going to start looking for a group that's the right fit for me.

The poem bears repeating.

Warning
by Jenny Joseph

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

A watershed day

Every once in awhile you have a day that turns a corner, or opens a new path, or simply finally answers a nagging question.  Today was one such day for me, and I must say it has gone a long way to relieving some personal anxiety I've been suffering.

• The city inspector finally came (for the third time) and everything passed on my remodel.  Now there are no more strings left.  I finally feel like I can retake possession of half of my house and start living in it again.

• The much-dreaded water bill arrived after the leak I had discovered.  I'd had nightmares of a bill in the thousands of dollars.  But the bill was, in fact, perfectly normal.  A huge relief.

• I submitted my resignation at work giving as my final day January 4, 2013.  My boss had asked if I wanted to make it official since they couldn't post my job and begin interviewing until I did so.  I have told them all along I would give them plenty of time for interviewing, hiring and training.  Three months should be enough.

I'm one of those people who dares not take too much joy in a good day lest the gods or Karma, or some such, decide to take me down a notch.  So I'll try to just keep on an even keel, even if I'm smiling a bit more than I have in weeks.

What triggered the scanner

Another one of those slightly annoying things happened.  I had ordered some divorce documents from the court that I will need for my social security application.  And the court charged me $6 and sent the certified copy along with someone else's new divorce filing.  It was an original document--I could tell by blue ink for some of the signatures.  Dammit, I'm going to need to get this back to the court.

Right, I could have just tossed the papers and let it be someone else's problem.  But my concern was for the couple involved who already have enough stress and trouble without the papers getting lost.  Sloppy clerk work but nothing to do but return the documents.  I called first and got put on hold for 3 or 4 minutes. Then I was interrogated as to my name, my case number, and who helped me (I swear I began to believe I was in on something criminal).  They instructed me to mail the documents to the court clerk, but since I pass the court on the way to the post office, I suggested I could just drop them off.

At the courthouse I learned that to get to the clerk's office you have to walk through the same metal detector as you would for court.  I beeped it twice.  What the hell?  The only metal on my entire person was the button on my jeans.  The deputy then said, "Try this, turn sideways, hold your arms straight out to the sides and walk sideways through the device.  I complied noticing he seemed rather focused on my chest.  Again, what the hell?  Was he just having a little fun with me?  But no beep -- I passed.

It was only later that I thought about another possible answer:  the underwire bra.  I rarely wear them because they're just not comfortable.  But in a moment of vanity I had decided I wanted that nice uplifted look today.  Mystery solved.  When I walked straight ahead through the device, both boobs passed through at the same time, apparently just enough to trigger the device.  Going through sideways allowed one boob at a time which apparently fell below the level of detection.  HAHA!

Boy am I embarrassed now!

One day at a time

I've set January 4, 2013 as my target last day of work.  It's tempting to start counting down.  Everything in me wants to start crossing days off the calendar and marking milestones.  But if I've learned anything this year, it's that nothing follows the time schedule I prescribe.  Outside factors get in the way.  So my plan is to just wake up each day realizing I'm closer but not there yet.  What I have right now is today.  It's all I have and I'll try to enjoy it, make the most of it, love it.  Then tomorrow I'll do the same thing.

Medicare? Me?

Well, I've set the wheels in motion.  Called the Social Security office today and set up an appointment to apply for Medicare and Social Security.  Three months from tomorrow I'm 65.  There's apparently a rule that allows me to take my own social security for a year before I reach full retirement age (66), and then at 66 apply for my spousal benefit which will be higher.  Well it's higher anyway, but I will get the full spousal benefit by waiting a year to apply.  It's all complicated.  As is Medicare.

I finally sat down and read up on what I need to do about supplemental insurance.  It sounds like the safe way to go is something called an "Advantage" plan.  I need to wade through some literature and decide for sure and also which company's plan is best for me. 

It's a little bit of a shock--realizing I'm actually going to be in the Social Security/Medicare/retired people's demographic.  In just a few short months!  I've been talking about it for quite awhile now, but it's finally sinking in. 

But don't pigeon-hole me.  I know for sure I'm not going to be a blue-haired, lady and I'm not going to be a red hat lady.  Actually, I think I'll be pretty much who I've been all along--plain blue jeans me.  Except I won't be punching any time clock.

What would you do?

Yesterday at Target, while in the parking lot loading into my car a large unwieldy item that filled the cart, I discovered two $20 items in the bottom of the cart that both the cashier and I had overlooked.  I had not paid for them.  An extra $40 would be nice.  No-one would know but me.  I finished unloading the item and then returned to the store to pay for the other items.

It's not the first time.  Once I even returned to pay for a $4 carton of sodas.  It's what I do. 

Of course, I try to watch when they ring things up that I don't get overcharged as well.  But this incident yesterday got me to thinking and wondering what other people do.  I'm sure it happens to everyone.  Maybe they don't notice.  Or maybe they consider themselves lucky that day - like finding a $20 bill on the sidewalk.  And maybe most of them return to the store to pay for the items. 

The thing about those kinds of decisions is the fact that no-one ever needs to know.  It's a true test of ethics and honesty--a test of what you believe about yourself.  Writing about this in my blog sort of negates that a bit.  Sharing the experience publicly so that everyone might know places a possible different motivation on my honesty.  But at the moment of decision, it was a test and a proof to myself at least.

The thing that fascinates me is that there is still a decision at all for me every time such a thing happens.  That I hesitate for even a second surprises me.  The hesitation before the decision proves I can be tempted.

Disaster Averted - Maybe

Discovered a leak in the sprinkling system at the shut-off valve this morning.  I had been meaning to get to those weeds for a long time and finally today was the day.  I was shocked at the saturated ground and the sight of water running out of the pipe to the turn-off valve.  Alberto came right out when I called.  We did a series of turning things on and off inside and out, and determined the bigger leak was caused because the valve had been only partially opened.  It had probably been that way a long time.  But there did seem to be a small leak at the stop and waste valve.  At least it is no longer just pouring out of the pipe.  It's a tiny leak now, and will be repaired on Monday.

My big worry is how long has it been leaking and what sort of water bill am I going to have?   This month's water bill was a good 50% higher than normal.  I thought I had been watering way too much.  Probably it was this leak.  And since the city's water bills run a month later, I can expect another one like that, or worse.  Erg!  I feel a little sick to my stomach.  I'll call the city on Monday and see if they'll come out and read the meter to let me know where it stands.

Thanks goodness I have Alberto to call on.  While he was here, he showed me how to turn off the water at the curb where it enters the property.  This is something good to know when you live alone.  Emergencies happen. 

Found my contact lens

Found my missing contact lens. And it's a big deal because I lost it 24 hours ago. And I'd only had it a week--a replacement for one I had just lost before that. And these are so damned expensive--over $100 per lens--because they are gas permeable and bifocal, you don't want to be losing them every week. I knew I had lost it near the stairs so I searched the extended area all around (a blue contact on teal carpet?). Retraced my steps to the garage, in the car, to the pantry, everywhere I'd been, but no luck. I gave up and wore my old prescription lens today. Then tonight, putting some things away in the bedroom, I thought to myself, "Wouldn't it be funny if I just looked down and there it was?" So I looked down. And there it was.

The moral of the story is: If you're going to get old and careless and senile, at least be lucky.