A whole bunch of stuff that left my house a few years ago has returned. We went over to my ex's house two nights ago and cleared out the remaining personal belongings, much of it is now mine. Lots of paper--tax records, legal documents, financial records, all kinds of stuff. It's the sort of thing you have to go through item by item and either shred or file. Not the sort of thing you can just toss in the trash -- too much of my own identity is in those documents and there is the danger of identity theft.
Then there are the clothes. All headed for The Road Home organiztion who will distribute to some who can really use them. I didn't expect to bring these home, but offered to take that responsibility from my daughter. They smell of cigarette smoke which I won't bring in the house. I'm thinking of washing everything before taking them to the drop-off place.
Lastly there is the CD and record collection. Things that he loved and I thought he had thrown out. It is a mammoth collection. Many things still in original wrappers unopened. I started sorting through them but it is an incredibly daunting task. They sit in boxes in my living room awaiting some sort of disposition. Some of them I do want to keep, and others we'll sell. My daughter suggested we catalog everything in a spreadsheet. That's probably a good place to start, it will take awhile.
So my To Do list got changed once again. These are things that must be dealt with soon. My own peace of mind is at stake. The clothing will be easy. Launder, fold, deliver. Then I'll tackle the documents. The music collection will take longer. My mind is thinking how to handle it. Maybe do a rough sort just to separate out the things I want to keep, and put the rest into general genres and then do the cataloging. i think my daughter and her boyfriend will sell them online. The old vinyl records I will save for now. I have shelf space for them in the basement so they can be safely stored. Someday I'll look through those too, but not now.
9 comments:
Oh Becky, I can relate to how things just keep landing in our laps. if you come across any trust papers email me.... Rob is trying to get every thing resolved and the trust closed out. Did Jen get Dougs ring back? I sure hope she can get the house sold! Hang in ther! Love Terollee
Hi Terol, I did see some trust papers in there. I'll email you with more details.
Yes, it is hard regardless of the circumstances of the parting. It was 28 years for us. In fact he died just before what would have been our 30th anniversary. I felt terribly sad, and then found myself the de facto 'wife' in a lot of making of final arrangements and now with disposition of things (along with my daughter). And for me, at least, it feels like what I should do after that many years. But I will be happy to be finished with the disposition of belongings anyway. In both the physical and emotional things I'm doing a clearing out--deciding what to keep and what to let go.
Thank you for your wishes. We are all doing better all the time. And here are hugs for you, too. Be well.
There is something to be said for the ancient custom of burning the house and belongings with the body. Or the Navajo way of just closing up the hogan and moving on to new digs.
It seems we don't deal well with it here in our culture, but it sounds like you have a plan at least. When Mom died we hired an estate firm. They urged us to take what we wanted and then inventoried the rest for the lawyers and sold it. What they were able to get over and above what we could have managed in a "garage sale" more than paid their fee.
It seems we again have something in common.
I have spent the past few wet days sorting through paperwork,most belonging to my husband.
As the house sold so quickly,and he wasn't co-operative during the move, all the boxes were eventually delivered here to my place. I need to take everything that belongs to him and return it as soon as possble.
There are indeed parallels in our lives right now, Heather. My heart goes out to you in all your trouble. Let's clear out all these papers as soon as we can. It is one way of putting the past behind us and getting on with our "new normal" as I'm callng it these days.
Jacqui, that sounds like a smart way to go. If I had anything of value here, I would consider that. But anything of value has already been given away. The paperwork is mostly shredding but must be looked at page by page and only I can do it. The CDs will be more interesting. There are many hundreds of them, and some very interesting. For example, I saw about 10 Chieftans CDs, some still in original wrapper. I'll take my time sorting through and choose those I want to keep. Then give the rest away.
This all seems to be a necessary part of the process for me to close up that part of my life and move on.
This is going to take time and during that time, there will be moments when you will feel totally overwhelmed. There are tasks here that have to be done - it's part of living and dying.
Small steps Becky, small steps as and when you feel like it.
Thanks, Bee. You are so right about those moments of feeling overwhelmed. The thing that gets me through them is remembering I felt that way before and usually by the next day felt on top of things again.
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