Resolutions

I believe in resolutions.  They are sort of like lists. Once you write them down, they are there reminding you of what you wanted to do.  I don't believe people ever truly fail at keeping their resolutions either.  I think they may not meet the full potential, but almost everyone at least takes a step or two in the right direction, and that's a good thing.

So, while other people may have given up on making resolutions, I make them every year -- I actually write them down and read them from time to time.  And like everyone else, I rationalize when I don't quite measure up.

Last year I had four main goals which I wrote in my private blog/journal for my eyes only.  When I looked back at those today, I realized how well I had done with goals involving 'doing' and not so well with goals related to my own well-being. I completed the house goal which was really three things in itself, cleaning out the garage at last, turning the little bedroom into an office, and the big one now just wrapping up, remodeling the kitchen.  I saw moderate success in my goal to memorize more piano music, and the side benefit was that all that repetition greatly improved my playing.  I did nothing to improve my current relationship.  We plod along just the same, happy together but with no future in it for either of us.  I am content enough in the relationship to feel no urgency to change and will probably continue on until he really does move away.

The big failure was in caring for my own health.  I did fine for six months.  But after Doug died, I went off the deep end in several ways.  I lapsed into some old thinking that it didn't really matter.  I gained some weight, I stopped walking, I lost track of my good eating habits.  Then when I started the kitchen remodel, things got worse.  I felt sort of trapped in my little TV room because of the chaos elsewhere, and I spent too much time on the computer and watching TV.  All along I've been wanting to turn things around, but just couldn't.  But I think the new year and the end of the big kitchen project is a chance to make a change in my life again.

In retrospect, all my successes amount to nothing if I don't take care of myself.  I've reached the age where people start having serious health issues.  I'm fortunate to have none as yet.  If I want to stay healthy, I need to make it a priority.

And that brings me to this year's resolution:  Take care of Becky first.

This year I will make it a priority to take care of my physical, mental, and emotional needs.  That's pretty broad, I know, but I'll add specifics to the plan as I go along.  I'll continue making lists, I know that.  My lists are what drive me to getting things done.  But this year, every list I write, will start with things I will do for myself.  Not in a selfish way, but in a self-concerned way.

Today I started with a little pampering with a long soak in a hot tub enhanced with some lovely minerals from the spa, running the jets for a little while, too.  I rarely take time for such a luxury, and the result today was a relaxed and mellow me.  The day was spent in lovely pursuits and a perfect start to the new year.  I feel optimistic and determined.  I'm ready to launch into another year, come what may.