And be true to yourself

Sunrise, September 8, 2010

Nothing I can add to improve on this.  Click the photo to see larger.

My Labor Day Vacation

I have a lot of vacation time - we call it PTO (personal time off) -- accrued at work.  And since there's a limit to how much we can accrue, I decided to use some in conjunction with the Labor Day weekend and have six days off in a row.

The time off has been absolutely wonderful and has confirmed that I'll have no problem filling the retirement hours when those days come.  There is so much I want to do.

This morning I've been trying to think specifically what I've done each day.  I know I had a couple of nice bike rides; one on the Legacy Parkway bike trail and one on the Jordan River Parkway trail.  Have visited with friends and made a new friend.  Have eaten out a few times.  Have watched movies both at home and out.  Have puttered around the house and yard.  Got a nice jump on the fall with some weeding, transplanting, and new plantings.  Did a pretty major pruning of a pine tree yesterday which convinced me to hire the landscapers to do the rest of the trees.  And I have been just plain lazy, too.  Yesterday morning, the three little fawns and a couple of does made an appearance.  I hadn't seen them in a couple of weeks, so I just sat very still on my front porch for about an hour - yes an hour - while they wandered from house to house nibbling on trees, plants, grass.

Today is the last day of my vacation, and I'm going birding up north - Salt Creek, Bear River, maybe Antelope Island on the way back, or at least Farmington Bay, just to see what birds are migrating.  I spotted a wonderful Lazuli bunting in my yard a couple of days ago.  I used to see them often, but that was years ago and I don't remember the last time they visited.  I'm eager to get out and see some birds.

And that's that.  Six days have flown by, and as vacations go, very restful and satisfying.   I feel refreshed, renewed, energized and ready to get back to work.  Here are pictures of my Labor day yard.

It's not easy doing a life

When you judge other people remember one overriding axiom: 'Everybody is having a hard time'. Everyone is insecure. Everyone is hassled. Everyone is tired - we all need more sleep. Everyone wishes he had more courage, more money and better social skills. Everyone wants more glamour in his life, and we all desperately need more laughter. Few can figure out how they ended up living the life they lead. Don't be misled by flippant talk; it's a battle for everyone... Give people a break. It's not easy doing a life. - Joshua Halberstam

 I'm looking at my photo on this blog.  Took it just two years ago in October,  Much has happened.  I have aged - I'm not the same person at all.  And I ran across this quote.  I couldn't agree more.  It's not easy doing a life.

In search of self

Please pardon this entirely personal and self-involved post.  My previous post has triggered a flurry of introspection and personal analysis.  It's not new, it's a process that has been going on for several years since becoming single and living entirely alone for the first time in my life.  But some aspects of a personality analysis (and comparisons to that of my most recent boyfriend) has brought me to an amazing conclusion: I don't want to be alone.  Some people are very happy to be alone with little social interaction, but I am not one of them.

The old BF, now in Minnesota, and I had a long chat on the phone last night about that and many other things.  We are both certainly in transitional places in our lives - and it's a strange place to be in your 60's.  He is one of those people who requires very little social interaction.  He values solitude and spends a great deal of time simply pondering.  As a result, he comes up with some of the most profound and astute observations.

I admire this quality in him so much, I have tried to incorporate more solitude and contemplation in my own life.  You'd think that would be easy since I live alone and I work at home nearly all the time.  My children are in and out, but they have busy lives and don't spend a lot of time here.  My closest friends have had a summer of heavy responsibilities and we have spent less time together than we are accustomed to.  And of course, J moved away in May and I have not sought out a new relationship.  So I have achieved aloneness in a big way. 

But though I'm alone, I've been less successful than I'd like to admit at embracing solitude and contemplation.  I do spend time sitting on my patio just soaking up the beauty there.  But I'm afraid I get distracted by the hummingbirds and the pots needing water and some weeds I notice.  I'm not spending any time pondering the great questions of our time.  I'll never make a good philosopher as I'm too easily distracted for that.

But after taking that little quiz yesterday and beginning to think about my strengths, I understand that even though I admire a certain quality in another, it is not a failure on my part if I am unable to emulate that in my own life.  And the reverse is true as well. 

Today my thoughts have been more about who I am now; what motivates me, what pleases me, and how do I view myself.  And why the hell haven't I figured that all out before now?!

Well, never mind.  Now I know this is a life-long process.  We keep changing and we don't even realize it, and it becomes necessary every now and then to stop and figure whom we have become.

I've come up with a few things.

• Things make me smile unconsciously all the time - I'm paying more attention to what those things are.
• I love quiet.
• I love people - all kinds of people.  I am slow to make friends, but find it easy to be friendly.  It's good for me to be around people.
• I am a worker.  This has been a revelation to me.  As a child my mother always told me I was lazy, and I guess I have always thought she was right.  But when I look at what I accomplish daily, weekly, yearly, I am even astonished myself. 
• I love to be creative.
• Physically I view myself as a younger more slender person and I'm sometimes dismayed to look in the mirror. 

Those are the main ones.  I'm not sure what I will do with this insight, but I will hopefully use my alone time to figure it out.  But you'll have to excuse me now  as I just noticed the hummingbird feeders need filling.

Am I Blue?

Today, just for fun, my group at work took the Color Code personality test. Maybe you've done it before yourself. I read the Taylor Hartman book many years ago with my book club. Since that book came out, the personality colors have become an understood part of our lexicon. It seemed important and even a matter of pride to know what color group you were in. Hartman's premise was that the better you understood your own motivations and those of your associates, the better relationships you could develop.

Our trainer today, certified in color test administration, did a fine job explaining the four personalities and how they interact with others. Then our scores were handed to us. I think something was wrong with mine. When I took the test years ago, I was a strong red with a secondary blue, some white, and practically no yellow. How sad, as yellow is the fun-loving one. I was a workaholic at the time. It was probably a fair evaluation.

But our trainer today said you are born with your personality and you don't really change your core color. So what happened to me? Today I was Blue 47%, my strongest color. Red 27%, Yellow 20%, and White 7%. Now how did I suddenly get so much yellow into my personality, and where did all that hot, opinionated, always-right Red go?

Well, of course, as fun as this might be, there are a few problems with the test. For one thing, you must answer questions by evaluating yourself. And we are possibly the worst judge. For example, which of the following are you? Power-oriented, Perfectionist, Indecisive, Self-centered. Ask me, you get one thing. Ask my kids, my sisters, my friends, my co-workers, you might get something else entirely. I answered Perfectionist. Even when I was more red, I don't think I would have answered Power-oriented.

Another problem is, some of the questions don't offer a choice that applies to you. For example, are you Demanding, Unforgiving, Unmotivated, Vain? Since I don't think I'm the first three at all, but I care about how I look, I chose Vain, though I hardly think I really am. This may have moved me into the yellow category.

Of course, the more difficult problem with these types of tests, is that everyone compares results and then you get pigeon-holed. "Ah, that's the selfish Red in you!" We all become armchair psychologists.

The one value I did see in this session today was understanding the way different personality types interact, and how better to deal with certain personalities. Even if you don't think in terms of color, you sometimes have to deal with a bossy, aggressive person. Or a closed, contemplative person. Or someone who just won't take responsibility. There's no question we are all different and we shouldn't expect our associates to change and be like us, but rather we should learn to work with their personality types, while also improving on our own character traits.

But do we never change from childhood? I don't buy that for an instant. I have become more Yellow and I'm embracing the Yellow!

You can take a free Color Code test online and they will email your primary color with a pie chart showing how dominant that color is. But to get the full breakdown and analysis, you need to pay $40. I'd suggest you go check the book out of the library. I have that book somewhere . . .

Here's the web site. If you take the test, let me know your primary color. http://www.colorcode.com/personality_test/

And just for fun, some Hoagy Carmichael with Bogey and Bacall, "Am I Blue?"

Je ne veux pas travailler

I don't want to work.

Is it terrible to be 62 and a half and want to retire from daily work? I'm tired after a freak and fierce thunderstorm blew through here overnight. So I'm logged in to start work, but I keep staring out the window and thinking today would be a good day to start my retirement.

Some days I think I couldn't fill up the day after working for so many years. But today I have a schedule in mind:

Start early with coffee and watch the sky get light.
Take my bike to the Legacy bike path and ride for two hours.
Have breakfast at home.
Putter around the house and yard cleaning, doing home improvement or art projects.
Have a light lunch around 2-ish.
Siesta for an hour.
Read, play piano,.
Shop for dinner.
Have people over, cook, eat, drink, and sit on the patio and watch the sun go down.
Play CDs or the piano until too tired to stay awake any longer.
Go to bed, sleep soundly, and then do it all again tomorrow with slight variations.

I think I could handle retirement.

(Sorry the video can't be embedded, but go to YouTube to watch - it's cute).

Greening up my world

I was stunned when I saw my power bill yesterday -- in a good way.  It has to be the lowest bill this house has ever had in a July, just $56.  The KWH used this year was 17 per day compared to 27 last year, even though the average daily temperature was two degrees higher THIS year at 77. 

After the new windows, roof, siding, furnace, and a/c over the past six years, my energy bills had already dropped significantly.  More than one-third after the windows alone.  I set the a/c at 78 when I'm home, and the heat at 68.  I thought I'd maxed out my ability to reduce energy consumption and still live comfortably.  But this summer I've made a concerted effort to utilize open windows and capture cool night air.  Some days the a/c doesn't kick on until 4 p.m.

It's something we've forgotten how to do -- keep the house cool without a/c.  I remember in the 50's I didn't know anyone who had air conditioning in the house.  People used strategically-placed trees, awnings on windows, opening and closing windows at just the right times, with shades and draperies to block out heat from direct sun.  Late afternoons were spent outdoors on the shady side of the house.  We acclimated to the temperatures and found ways to cool down when things were the hottest. 

This year, I decided to use some of those techniques again since I work from home and can easily do simple things like open and close windows and shades.  Sitting at my desk with its north-facing window, many mornings I need a sweater as the breeze is quite cool.  I've thoroughly enjoyed many more hours of fresh air flowing through the house (even though the downside is having to dust more often).  Even this week, with temperatures near 100, I may go to bed with the house closed up, but when I wake up at 2 or 3 a.m., as I often do, I'll walk around and open windows then.  When the temps drop into the 60's at night, you can collect a lot of nice cool air in the house which will last many hours into the day. 

I'm a little nervous to see my July water bill, however.  The yard is fully landscaped for the first time ever, and everything is getting watered with a new sprinkling system.  I have no idea how my water usage compares to the past.  The June bill was so low, I didn't exceed the regular monthly usage which applies year-round.  But June was extra cool.  July has been hot and dry.  Still, most of the yard is in drought-tolerant, low-water plantings with the annuals mostly clustered around the patio where I like to hang out.  I apply the tough love principle on the lawn and drought-tolerant areas.  They get water, but they aren't allowed to become lush.  The landscaper set each watering station to 15 minutes, but I backed them off to 12 each.  I water early in the morning only, but on some particularly hot evenings, I'll manually cycle through all the stations after sunset, giving them each a minute or two of water to cool down the parched plants and earth.  The bonus is that the temperature drops for the entire yard and house at the same time.  I do water every day, which I know is not recommended.  But I live on sand and water is not retained in the soil.  Watering for longer periods does no good as it drains off rapidly.  It's the nature of where I live.  I do give the newer trees some deep watering once or twice a month, however.  The established trees don't seem to need it.  I'll report back on the July water bill when it arrives in August.

I used to feel a little guilty about occupying a rather large house and yard by myself, and yet requiring heating and cooling just the same as if a whole family lived here.  But when I see the results of my efforts at reducing energy consumption, there is no need for guilt.  I realize it's not about the size of the space I occupy, but how I utilize resources to make my life comfortable. 

I didn't do this all overnight.  It has taken about six years for me to get to this point.  But I think this is proof that if people care and if they really want to do it, we could all drastically reduce our need for fossil fuels while we improve our environment.  Of course, the cost savings is a happy bonus. 

(Just as an after note, since I work from home, I consume far less fuel for my car.  I also conscientiously recycle, which has become more convenient with my city's curbside recycling program.  And I carry those reusable grocery bags with me when I shop.  These are just a few other things I'm doing to help green my world).

And a few more

The city came by today to clean up the parking strip, so I made some before shots and decided to grab a few more of the yard while I was at it.

Another angle of the lowest corner of my lot.  The day lilies exceed my expectations.

Here's another hybrid lily, a rare "black" lily toward the front of this photo.

The east side along the sidewalk, two views.

And the corner garden with a better view of the upper backyard.

A few more pics around the yard

I only posted the backyard the last time.  So here are some other areas. I posted earlier pics of some of these areas in May, and you can see things change constantly in these plots.

In the front garden the perennials have surged along with a few impatiens.

In the lower front garden, the hybrid day lilies are putting on a show like I haven't seen in about five years. This is slightly pre-dawn light, so they are not fully opened yet.

In the upper corner garden the tall day lilies are having their day as well (though here they are still closed up awaiting the hot sun before they'll show those brilliant orange trumpets) and I have since done some of needed deadheading seen here.

The east is all about perennials too. The daisies and other early summer bloomers have faded and the tall Russian Sage and hummingbird trumpet are coming on while the Jupiter's Beard is getting ready for its second blooming.  The black-eyed Susans are very late, but I see they are starting to produce buds.  Flowers soon.

Backyard pics

All of the yard is looking so nice this year, but here is where I spend most of my time. It is shady and cool under the patio all day. The yard itself gets hot sunlight at various times, but overall is mostly shady. The flowers have thrived in pots this year, and even a hosta is about to bloom.  Some of this photos I took at noon and the light is much too bright.  Others I took just before sunset and things are quite shady.  It's hard to get good balanced light in this area.  I'll try and get shots of the rest of the yard soon.

The McCartney Concert

I want to write this while still basking in the afterglow.  It was a thrill to be among the 40,000 fans at the Paul McCartney concert last night.  We were there! By "we" I mean three of my sisters and one brother-in-law, my son and his wife, two of my friends and their husbands -- those are the ones I know of.  We didn't all sit together, we were scattered about.  Where I was sitting, the seats were wonderful -- I had a great view of the stage.  I knew this would be good, but had no idea how truly fantastic it would be.

From the time McCartney took the stage around 8 p.m. until he exited at 11-ish, he was singing, dancing, playing all kinds of instruments, telling stories, and entirely positive and upbeat.  We all felt that he really was thrilled to be performing for us.  And the band members, too.  Each one appeared to not only be really into the performance, but also truly having the time of their lives doing it. 

I feel infused with so much positive energy today, I am practically floating.

And speaking of the band, really, what a sound from the most basic group.  A drummer, a bass, a lead guitar, and a keyboard -- and Paul switching off with every tune.  The band did the backup singing too.  The synergy of the group was marvelous.  You could tell they liked being together.

This was an event I've waited for for 46 years.  I've been a Beatles fan since there were Beatles.  The experience was everything I expected and more.  And now it's a memory, but it will be among the treasured memories of my lifetime.

And one thing I take away from the experience is the importance of producing positive energy in our lives.  Paul has certainly suffered tragedy and trial.  But he emerges smiling and happy, and then proceeds to make thousands of people around him feel happy too.  I have a desire to do the same with my small life -- to greet each day with a positive energy that feels good to me and influences those whose lives touch mine that day.

The final words of the concert: And in the end, the love you take, is equal to the love you make.

Surprise money

Got a check from the IRS marked "Tax Refund".  Not a big one, about 80 bucks.  But a surprise.  I owed this year - sent my check in last April.  Did I make a mistake?  No explanation accompanied the check.  I used my usual software and did the taxes myself.  My finances are not complicated.  But it may be time to hire a professional to do the taxes.  

A trip to the mountains

Yesterday my sister Peg posted a note on Facebook that she was taking a drive to the mountains in the afternoon if anyone would like to come.  After sitting around feeling bored all day, I jumped at the chance.   There are so many beautiful and accessible places we can go on a Sunday drive.  For this one, we headed up Weber Canyon, turned off towards Kamas and then took the road to Smith-Morehouse.  I'm not sure if this is considered part of the Uintahs -- you can certainly see the Uintah mountains from there.  But it was a great day for taking pictures and here are a few things we saw.

This last photo, I shot as I was just leaving my house and one of the tiny spotted fawns ran out in front of my car and down the street.  My camera was at hand, but I wasn't fast enough to get him before he was in the deep grass.  Darn.