If I had a decent camera, maybe I could capture the picture, both stunningly beautiful and yet eerie at the same time. Producing no light of its own, it reflects light coming from the as-yet-unseen sun this morning, bathing the ground in a bluish light and reflecting white patches on the water as it sinks closer to the lake.
I've seen this lovely sight so many times from my living room window. But this morning it is making me think about the complexities of my life and whether I'm making the right choices for the circumstances of my life. I keep thinking the words, "Simplify, simplify."
The house and yard come to mind. Too big. Too much for me to care for alone. And yet, if I move, I would lose this comforting view that gives me peace and strength. At some point I will have to consider another view.
Datiing comes to mind. Why am I dating? What am I looking for in a companion? I don't even know. I don't need to date just for the social aspect--I have girlfriends who offer ample opportunities for outings, activities, dinners, concerts. A male companion adds another dimension both of expectations as well as benefits. Still, I need to figure out what I want and stop just dating for the sake of keeping busy on the weekend.
My work comes to mind. So many people at my age are retiring. I feel somewhat tired of working and perhaps tired of doing such limited work in recent years. I love writing and that's all I do. But I'm finding it easy and not very challenging. And yet retirement and having nothing specific to do every day does not appeal to me. And the job pays the bills and helps provide future financial security. Retiring is not an option right now.
My age comes to mind. In one month I will be 60. Each decade point in my life has represented something of a turning point. Certainly this one is marked by my divorce. But maybe other things too, yet unnoticed. I have been dating men in their upper sixties, and am impressed with the physical and mental strengths they possess. It helps me face the sixties as another decade of potential and accomplishment for myself. Turning 60 gives me thoughts about the end of my life. But statistics say that's still a couple of decades away, barring accident or illness. So the key is for me to stay physically and mentally strong so life will continue to be of worth.
The sky gets lighter, and I can't stop looking, now fuzzy pink above and pale blue below, blending finally into a brownish haze near the horizon--the moon by contrast so sharply in focus, ensconced in that fuzzy purplish area, appearing so confident in a wishy-washy sky. A bit like me.
I've always said I've lived my life without regrets, despite many wrong choices and mistakes. But I've always managed to accept the life I've created for myself and remain optimistic and confident about the future. I still do. Still, I believe things will be changing this next year. I am getting prepared. Simplify, simplify.
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