Before I canceled my Dish TV, I surfed the channels, looking to see if there was anything I would really, really miss once it was gone. I found myself actually watching QVC -- more than once. I don't know why, I guess it just fascinated me the things they offered to sell, the patronizing sales techniques they employed, and the endless people who seemed most willing to buy and buy and buy.
Like jewelry -- really overpriced jewelry, from what it looked like. "Hurry, just 800 of these left and you won't see it here again until Fall. And on the phone we have Dorothy, what did you buy today, Dorothy?" (Dorothy sounds verrrry sleepy, why is she talking so slowly?). "Ah'm getting the triple faux silver faux ruby and faux diamond bracelet. Ah got it last year, and Ah loved it so much, Ah bought another one fer mah daughter." "Oh, Dorothy, you smart woman, taking advantage of our three easy payments of just $75. You are one of the lucky ones to jump right on it. Thanks, so much for calling, dear."
That might sound like an exaggeration. If you think so, I know for sure you've never watched QVC.
Little did I know when watching a makeup show another day, I would learn something I could really use. It seemed the majority of the products were some kind of "spackle" -- foundation spackle, lip spackle, eye spackle. Who thinks of these names? An exotic woman was applying layer after layer of foundation on a lovely young woman -- more like plastering than spackle in my opinion, but I'm no expert. Of course, when they showed the before picture, the girl already had a perfect complexion. When they brought out the bronzer, the girl squealed with joy. I found it impossible to look away.
I should not have laughed. When I gave myself a black eye a couple of weeks ago, I remembered the spackle idea. Well surely that technique would work with my ordinary department store foundation. I know how to spackle. I've patched up holes in the wall before painting. This can't be hard. I tried it to moderate success. Now two and a half weeks later, I'm still spackling, with just a small bruise remaining.
So I learned, that there was nothing I would miss all that much on Dish TV. I learned to think spackle when applying foundation. And I've now learned that a black eye lasts about three weeks.