|Hogsback. Hwy 12, central Utah, 2011|
The driver is the one in control. I may want us to turn here, but he will choose the route he wants. I'm just along for the ride. I didn't always like that in my marriage. It seemed there was not enough compromise. Not enough consideration for the way I wanted us to go. And not just in the car.
When I got divorced, I was at first tentative about so many things. Making decisions about my money, my property, my life. For some time I felt I needed someone's approval before going ahead. It took awhile to gain confidence in my own decisions. That's changed now. I have moved fully into the driver's seat of my life and am keeping my eyes on the road. This could be a bad thing if I ever hope to be in a committed relationship again. Will we both want to do the driving? Is there a way to share? Is there a man willing to let me drive some of the time?
Men never seem to lack confidence in their decisions. I find it fascinating. They speak and act decisively while I dither. Unfortunately, they also give lots of advice and do not like disagreement. And then I'm in a position of either backing down from my own ideas or having a debate over them. I don't care to do that so much anymore.
I don't miss being in the passenger seat. When I want to view the deer or birds these days, I just pull over and stop.