2014 New Year's Resolutions

I'll start the year by not wishing "Happy" new year to anyone.  I have been shaken this past year by the losses in my close circle of friends.  I remember starting out so hopeful in January, little suspecting the tragedies ahead.

Instead I will wish us all a contented new year with the courage and strength to face its challenges, and grace in accepting whatever good fortune it holds.

I reviewed my three simple resolutions of 2013.  I accomplished the reorganizing closets and drawers (with a couple still unfinished, but close enough to call it done).  I launched the upstairs doors and floors remodel, which expanded to include a shower remodel.  That is underway.  And while it's not finished, it will be in the early part of 2014.  So I'll check that one off.

The third resolution was a bust.  Taking care of Becky did not happen.  I had sporadic periods of walking, dieting, trying to focus on new hobbies.  But the distractions this year proved to be too much for me.  I didn't figure out how to take care of my grandchildren and take care of myself, too.  Ice and snow kept me sedentary at the start and the end of the year.  I simply did not figure out how to do this one.

So, for 2014, I have just one resolution:  Find new ways of taking better care of myself.  This is about physical health most of all.  But also about mental, spiritual, and even social needs.  This may sound selflish or self-centered, but that's not my intent.  I will always be a support to my family and friends, no question.  But I simply must do better at taking care of myself, or I won't be around as long as possible to do those things.  I do hope the year brings an ability to return to my music, art, and writing (and reading).  These are things that have brought pleasure and satisfaction in the past, but which became very hard for me to do at all this past year.

The nicest thing I did for myself in 2013 was acquire a fluffy little white dog named Frankie.  In fact, he has been a joy for the entire family.  He's on the couch here beside me as I write, all curled up snoozing as he does a good deal of the day.  I share him with my son's family and they have fallen in love with him, too, and now he spends a couple of days at a time at their house, having his own bed, dish, toys, and food there as well.  He'll offer some companionship in the coming months.

I'm entering this new year with no expectations -- high or low.  I will walk softly and hope for good things while preparing for anything.   

So deep breath, now.  Here we go . . . 2014 . . .

Happy Birthday to Me - 66

Spent my birthday as I have the entire month of December: low-key and mellow.  I'm still tending grandkids as they are out of school until January 2nd.  But it's all upbeat and fun with the boys.  And add my new little Frankie in the mix, and there's not a dull moment.  Received many nice birthday wishes and had a quiet dinner in the evening with family.  I feel content with how I marked my 66th.

I gave myself a big break this year from all the pressures of the season.  I didn't feel like putting up a Christmas tree, so I didn't.  No lights, no village, no nutcrackers.  The only thing I did was buy a bunch of poinsettia plants to place around the house.  It felt festive but calm.  Just what I wanted this year.  And I'll sure appreciate it more when the time comes to undecorate.  Just toss the old flowers out and I'm done.

It's fine to deviate from tradition.  At least for me.  I have enjoyed the season more than any in recent memory.  And since the grandkids were out of school the entire month of December, it was good for me not to push myself harder than necessary. 

I am looking forward to the end of 2013.  And I dare not think too much about 2014.  The years roll around and bring a share of joy and sorrow, success and struggle, comings and goings.  What will be will be.  I'll take it a day at a time. 

How Cold Is It?

No joke, it's far below normal.  And it's only December.  We don't usually see these temperatures until January.  I fear what the rest of this winter holds for us.  It may sound funny, but I'm looking forward to the day we actually get above freezing.

Utah Snowstorm, December 7 and 8, 2013

 

I don't mind a weekend snowstorm.  I don't usually have any place I'm obliged to be.  Weekdays are difficult because I need to be at my son's house by 6 a.m. to take care of the grandkids.  Utah got quite the storm this weekend.  In fact, St. George in southern Utah even got 8 or 9 inches of snow and will barely make it up to freezing temps today--very rare for them.  We've been below freezing for days now and had one earlier storm that left a few inches.  This one added maybe 10 inches here on the North Salt Lake hillside.  Some of that was lake effect.  But it was not a problem.  After coffee and relaxing, I finally bundled up and took on the driveway.  My neighbor Nils helped out with the very deep hard slush the snowplows had pushed into the entrance of the driveway.  Another neighbor, Tim, ran his snowblower the length of all three of my sidewalks.  Still it took me an hour to clear the main part of the driveway.  I'm just happy I can still do this at my age; and hope to be able to keep it up for some time to come.

We are still not expected to get up to freezing for a few more days.  This is unusual weather this early in the season.  It's technically not even winter yet for a couple more weeks.

And yet another remodel project

One of my new year's resolutions was to do the "Upstairs Doors and Floors" project.  It took me till October to feel I was ready to call the contractor.  I first wanted to clean and reorganize every closet in the house.  Why they took me till October -- well, don't ask.  By the time I called, the contractor was very involved in other projects.  But I have so much confidence in him and the quality of his work, I wasn't even interested in talking to anyone else.  We went over my ideas, added a few things; he gave me a bid and we made some revisions.  But nothing happened until this week.  Suddenly my contractor is free and ready to work on the house.

Now you might think at three weeks before Christmas I'd just put the project off now until the first of the year.  Well, no sir!  I really want to have this project done.  I'm willing to put up with some mess throughout the holidays.  And my contractor is available because most people don't want the house in a mess during the holidays.  He's available, I say, "Let's do it!"

The project was expanded to a new shower in one of the bathrooms, along with paint.  And new baseboards throughout the upstairs along with the doors and casings.  The heat tape is already installed but needs to have an electrical connection done.  And  I absolutely have to make a decision about replacing that carpet or not.  I make a different decision every day.  But one day soon I need to make a decision I can live with.  I'm very excited about it all.

Today, they showed up and did demolition in the shower.  What was a dark closed-in shower with a tiny door, will be all opened up with clear glass wall and door and even a light!

I'm probably not putting up Christmas decorations this year. Or maybe just minimal, and probably not a tree. Don't feel sorry for me. I just don't feel up to it this year and the world won't end because of it. I'll probably resume my old habits next year. My grandkids are off-track and with me all day. And there's the new little doggie, Frankie. This month will be less glittery and more adventure.

And wouldn't it be just wonderful to actually accomplish one of those resolutions!  And I did finish most of another resolution: the Grand Reorganization.  The little remaining of that will be done by the end of the year.  Don't ask about the third one--putting myself on the list.  That one got lost.

Frankie's Glamour Shot

Frankie had a grooming yesterday; all bathed, clipped, and fluffed to perfection.  I didn't recognize him!  Still the same sweet dog.  Don't be fooled by this picture.  He still does not bark.  At most, I've heard a few growls and a tiny "woof" or two.  He has to have a vet visit in the next week, so maybe we can find out why he doesn't bark.

Happy Birthday Frankie

I have been looking for months for the perfect dog.  Looking at breed like Bichon Frise, Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, even Maltese.  Specifically, I was looking for a small dog that would be mostly a lap dog.  I don't have a fenced yard and can't let the doggie run free.  I wanted a gentle friendly breed.  And I wanted low shedding, hypo-allergenic.  I watched the web sites for all the shelter, rescues and Humane Society.  Whenever I saw a good possibility, I hesitated too long and the pup was gone to another home.

Then yesterday, on the Humane Society web page, I saw Frankie.  He is part Bedlington Terrier and part Toy Poodle.  Just 12 pounds.  Two years old.  I didn't know anything about Bedlingtons, but my research told me he was much like the Bichon Frise I'd been looking for.  My commitments yesterday kept me from getting to see him.  I thought for sure he would be gone.

He was still on the website this morning.  But there was an adoption event going on at the Petcos around town. What if they sent him to one of a dozen Petco locations around town?!  Petco opens at 9, the Humane Society opens at 10.  I tried and then gave up calling individual Petcos and headed straight to the Humane Society, arriving a half hour before they opened.  The parking lot was filling up.  I was sure everyone there wanted Frankie.

When the doors opened, I was the first one through.  And joy!  Frankie was still there.  The rest is history, as they say.

Frankie has come to live with me.  He has met all the family.  He is so adorable and friendly.  And quiet!  In fact, maybe too quiet.  I've had him over 12 hours and he has yet to bark.  He loves everyone he meets.  He sits on my lap and cuddles up.  He is a very smart breed and already understands things that I say to him.  He is not house broken, which might be the reason he wasn't yet adopted.  It's hard for families with working parents to potty train a dog.  But since I'm here all the time, it will be fairly easy for me.  In fact, he already went outside.  He needs a grooming, and my neighbor across the street was just certified as a dog groomer and will be opening her own business.  So Monday he will get all bathed and trimmed..

I have a loveable little housemate.  It's responsibility and pleasure.  I feel so lucky to have Frankie.  Here he is at the Humane Society just after adoption.

Hunter's Moon

I took this photo a few days ago at the full moon.  This was in the morning a little after sunrise, looking west.  I am so close to the mountains on the east, I don't get to see the moon from my house when it rises.  So my moon shots are always at moonset.

When you live in a mountain valley, as the sun rises, you can see the shadow of the eastern mountains recede across the valley.  See that in this picture?

People in my life continue to heal, but oh so slowly. 

My Schizophrenic Life

Took my grandsons to the children's museum in Salt Lake yesterday.  This whole week the kids have had a half-day school schedule for parent teacher conferences.  When they are out of school, they're with me.  We had some free passes to the museum, and I thought this would be a good time to visit there.  I hadn't been there since my own kids were small.  It has really changed and really is a fun and fabulous place for kids to visit and play.  We were there nearly three hours when an exhausted grandma said it was time to go.

My time with the kids needs to be positive and engaged.  I don't just turn them loose to play.  I play with them.  No matter how I might be feeling, I have to keep my mood happy and upbeat.  I feel so aware of my influence on these little guys.  So we have lots of fun and laughing and learning. 

That's not to say it's always easy to be upbeat.  This week I've also been trying to spend time visiting, chatting with, and emailing my grieving friends.  Three of us got together on Thursday and it was such a crying fest, I wondered if that had been a good idea after all.  But it's all part of the process and there are no shortcuts in grief.  I mostly listened as the other two reminisced with stories of their lives with their lost loved one.  In some ways, it was an ice breaker for my two friends who had been grieving separately, to come together and help each other at a time when they need so much support themselves.  Over and over they expressed the importance of family and friends in their lives right now.  And I feel such a desire to be the friend they need.  That means I have to go through many emotional ups and downs with them. 

Add into this mix some additional worries and frustrations with my own aging parents, and my life is an emotional roller coaster right now.  I do my best to keep myself grounded with peaceful time spent alone. 

I'm not worried for myself.  I've been through tough times and survived and thrived.  Now is my time to help others; to influence children, to comfort my friends, to help my family.  I'm grateful to have the physical and emotional strength for this right now.  These circumstances will continue to evolve with time.  And they will be replaced by other circumstances that will be equally challenging and demanding on my strengths.

But that's life.  It will always be so.

A Year of Sorrow

And another husband of a close friend has died.  Sydney was 91 and frail, yet remarkably active.  He was so proud of his garden and fruit trees he'd been nurturing along for several years.  He was an accomplished artist and sculptor--the only one I've known who was actually able to support himself with his art.  A recent fall and complications were just too much for his already frail body.  Still, he had seemed strong just recently and they were happily planning a trip to England and France next year for the D-Day commemorations.

This brings to three (out of five) the husbands of our old Reel Women movie group who have died just this year.  I add to that my much-missed internet friend, and the toll is almost too much.

My friends need me to be a strength to them right now.  So I will somehow be that.  Even though all this loss makes my own loss from a few years ago feel fresh again.

At my age, 65, you expect some loss.  You acknowledge we are getting older and  none of us will live forever.  But this is a lot in one year.  Now I just look forward to the end of 2013.  This is not a year I want to remember.

Two new birds -- to me, at least

I finally got out to Antelope Island for a little birding one evening this week.  I really wanted to get to Bear River before the opening of duck hunting (this weekend), but it was not to be.  It was a lovely evening on the island and I had success seeing two birds new to me.  The Sabine's Gulls are apparently a novelty if not totally rare in Utah.  Three had been reported near the second bridge.  Driving over, I was daunted by the large numbers of Eared Grebes and Wilson's Phalaropes spread out over the water and thought I would never find those gulls.  But on the way back, I stopped for another look and found all three right by the bridge.

At Garr Ranch, they had closed the gates for the night, but since they aren't locked, I let myself in and started to wander to the little woods behind the ranch house.  I was hoping to see a couple of different owls that had been reported.  However, I felt nervous there alone and decided to abandon that idea.  A couple of women were near the parking lot looking at some birds and I was lucky enough to get some pictures of an Audubon's Warbler (western version of the Yellow-Rumped Warbler).  I don't know warblers and haven't studied up on them, so this was a treat.  A large flock was hopping in and around the trees there, but I was lucky enough to get a few good photos.

Here are some shots from my evening.

Audubon's Warbler (Yellow-Rumped Warbler)

 Sabine's Gull among some Wilson's Phalaropes

 Two more Sabine's Gulls among the phalaropes.

 A bison who was right next to the road and inexplicably leaning up against a rock.

 Two-point mulie, also right next to the road and showing no desire to run away.

 And of course, if it's sunset as I'm leaving the island, I'm surely going to grab a shot.

The last remodel kick-off

My contractor came over today and we went over the details of the project.  I'm still undecided on what to do about flooring.  But very excited about the new doors.  In addition to the doors, I will do new casings as well as baseboards throughout.  The shower remodel is not significant, but will be a nice upgrade for the master bath.  And so pleased to put the rain gutter/heat tape project in his hands as well. His expertise is so valuable in that area.  I will get a quality product and work, and it will be hard-wired with a simple switch I can turn on and off.

As for the retaining wall on the west side of the house, he convinced me the retaining I already have is adequate, and I can just go ahead with adding top soil if I want it.  I'll have Alberto help me with that when we do the fall cleanup.

So it's off and running.  I still need to get the quote, which I know from experience will be resonable and doable, and then make a few decisions.  Then there will be a lead time to get the doors and other materials. He can start in a couple of weeks.  

This is the "last remodel" indoors.  After this, I may occasionally paint a room, change out carpet or furniture.  But the basic construction work will be finished and hopefully no more will be needed until the day I decide to move.

I can't wait to get started!

Harvest Moonset

With coffee this morning, I watched the Harvest Moon setting into a purple haze.  I awoke with no knee pain for the first time in weeks.  My old trick knee has been up to its old tricks.  I'll walk gingerly, grateful to be feeling better.  I'm ready for fall, autumn leaves, bird migrations, perennials dying back. 

A little progress on projects

I have to say, it has really been a tough summer.  I'm sticking close to my dear friend as she grieves.  She said the other day, she wondered if she would ever feel happy again.  There is no medicine for that problem except time.  I feel so sad with her, it is affecting me 24/7.  I, too, long to feel happy.

But we press on.  I have put myself back to work on my projects and today I will finally finish my goal of cleaning out and reorganizing every closet in the house.  Just one hall closet remains.  With this done, I will call my contractor on Monday to set in motion the replacement of all the upstairs doors and a minor remodel of one upstairs shower.  At the same time I will get his advice on a project to replace some rain gutters and install heat tape on the eaves where ice collects.  I also want to initiate construction of a new retaining wall on the west of the house and at the same time, bring in dirt and top soil to build that up where it has eroded so much.  Those are my October aims:

• Replace upstairs doors and shower
• Repair/replace rain gutters, and add heat tape
• Retaining wall and build up on west of house

 I hope writing these specific things down will help me focus on them and get them done.

I haven't decided whether to replace the carpet upstairs or not at this time.  Wood (or laminate) floors would be elegant and pretty.  But the truth is, the grandkids love playing on the soft carpet.  It is old but was very high quality when I bought it and is still in rather good condition.  It is a very dense plush that doesn't mat down at all.  It is somewhat dirty in high traffic areas and I haven't been able to really get all of the dirt cleaned with my home carpet cleaner.  I'm thinking of having a good quality professional come in to clean it.  The one thing I don't like is the color--teal.  It's so out of date now.  But it would cost a lot to replace living room, dining room, hall, and stairs.  And I hate the thoughts of moving my piano, china hutch, and server.  So I remain undecided for now.  I am definitely replacing the couch and chairs.  I'm thinking if I go with solid, neutral colors it will help tone down the effect of the teal carpet. You can tell I'm leaning towards keeping the carpet

Of course, there is the usual fall cleanup outdoors.  I have a week without grandchildren this coming week and I plan to spend that time doing some fall planting, transplanting, and cleanup.  What I can't do myself, I will hire Alberto's guys to do a little later.  They will also winterize the sprinkling system for me.

I hope to have all of these things completed before Thanksgiving.  It will make for a more peaceful and enjoyable winter to have all of that done.

And today, my friend and I will take in a movie.  A comedy because we both want to laugh.  And that will be a small step in the right direction, too.