Fall Planting

What is more predictable than me buying more flowers and sticking them in the ground.  I have found the most wonderful nursery in Salt Lake that sells only perennials and only those that are proven to be drought-tolerant and hardy for our area.  On top of that, the prices are much less than nurseries closer to home, and the plants are so healthy.  It is located quite far west of the city actually, but is an easy drive by freeway about 20 minutes each way.  Well worth going out of your way for such bargains and beauty.  I got a little crazy yesterday and bought 31 plants.  So now I must get to planting.  Plus, I have a number of things I want to transplant -- something is too tall here or too short there, or not thriving in this heat or shade, or encroaching on other plants, that sort of thing.  This is not a one day project.  I have to pace myself.  If I work too hard, I'm crippled up the next day with pain.  Slow and steady.  It may take me all week to get the planting done, but I'm excited to start.  Just as soon as this little rain flurry passes over.

31 pots ready for planting.

My late summer yard this year.

And a little popup rainstorm this morning with a surprise rainbow and hint of a double rainbow, accompanied by thunder and lightning which is serving to keep me indoors for awhile until it passes.  And giving me a moment to blog.

This will soon pass.  Showers are predicted off and on today.  It will keep temperatures comfortable and will force me to come inside and rest periodically.  A very lovely day, really.

Special Enough

I have a bottle of wine I've been saving for a special occasion.  It was given to me a few years ago by a friend when he moved away far from here.  I always thought it would be nice to bring this out to celebrate some big event, some milestone, some really special occasion.  I even imagined opening it when he returned sometime for a visit, when we could share a glass or two and catch up.  But that never happened.  Well, nothing celebratory enough for that bottle has happened.  Oh, I know, I finished the remodel -- that might have been the moment.  But it overlapped with my dad getting sick and it didn't feel like a celebration time.

The other day I saw a quote from someone that said, "Don't save anything for a special occasion."  I immediately thought of the Erma Bombeck quote entitled "If I Had My Life To Live Over."  I won't quote the whole thing here; it's long.  But the point is well made in a single statement:

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose
before it melted in storage.

Sometimes we imagine something really momentous is just ahead.  Something we've been waiting a long time for.  We put things in cupboards and drawers just awaiting that day.  We'll really celebrate when that day comes, won't we?  And when we look in the cupboard for something else and see that bottle of wine still there that we've been saving for a special occasion, we feel a little sad.  Nothing big enough or important enough has come along to warrant opening that bottle.  How dismal life feels at that moment.

How easily we set ourselves up for disappointment through vague expectations.  Jeez, we could at least have a concrete goal with a definite finish line.  It must be a problem with a lot of women because the Bombeck quote has been ruefully shared over and over again since it was first written in 1979.

So last night I thought to myself, "This is as good as it's going to get, and you'd better drink that wine now while it's good."  And I opened the wine.  A lovely red.  And let it breathe for awhile before pouring a glass.  And then I toasted myself and my friend who gave me the wine, and slowly sipped and savored its loveliness.  Just one glass.  I'll have another tonight and each night until the bottle is finished.

And thus I acknowledge that it's time for me to begin living more in the moment.  The past few years have held more lows than highs.  It's a time of life when things don't necessarily balance out.  So, if I'm alive today, it's a good day.  That's a special enough occasion to open a saved bottle of wine and light that sculpted candle.  Special enough.

Little Blue Heron

When a rare bird is spotted in Utah, the online birder threads light up, and everybody gets out to "chase" the bird.  Last week, someone spotted a rare Little Blue Heron just at Farmington Bay, very close to home for me.  This bird's normal range is more around the Gulf coast and down into South America.  But every five or ten years, one is reported in Utah.  This one drew a lot of attention and photographers as it was hanging out at a pond near a road, easily seen.

I waited about four days before going out.  But on my way home from Ogden on Thursday, I decided to stop and see if it was still there.  It was.  And a couple of birders were already there and pointed it out to me.  Even though it was afternoon, the light was bad and the heron was far out, I was able to get a couple of decent, if dark and blurry, shots.  The bird is still there and I may try to get out again but in the morning when the light is more favorable.  But I'm thrilled to have seen this life bird for me.

What I'm up to

I'll admit I'm neglecting to post here lately.  I'll be back eventually.  But right now I'm doing all my blogging in a private diary with a focus on taking better care of myself.  I write in that blog every single day, keeping track of how much sleep I get, what I eat, the activities I do, how well I do at drinking more water, and how I feel emotionally.  I'm finding this is also a good opportunity to make short lists of important things I need to get done each day as well.  It's all very mundane, but extremely important to me and no-one else.  I write a short entry in the morning and again just before bed.  

This devotion to a daily diary has been very successful in getting me back on track.  So I will continue with it as long as I see a benefit from it and as long as it takes to get some good habits and a good routine in my life.  

I still have a lot of care taking responsibilities, but I finally feel I'm not putting myself forever on the backburner.  I am giving myself daily attention--no more putting that off for the vague future.  But I'm still getting much done around the house and yard, too.

At some point I will return to blogging here, posting pictures of flowers and birds, but hopefully also some original essays and poetry.  I am spending more time again at the piano and and finding a new desire to return to painting and writing. So in those famous words, I'll be baaaack.

Anniversary

This time of year brings remembrances.  And a whole lot of unresolved issues and feelings.  But that's life: things tend to be left open-ended, unanswered.  Five years is a milestone of sorts and a chance to rethink and resolve and look anew to the future.

Upstairs Doors and Floors Remodel Finished

The remodel has really been finished for a couple of months, and I did get the rooms put together for the most part, but never took any pictures because of one thing and another in my life at the time.  Now might be a good time to show a couple of the changes.

New hardwood floor in the living room.  I was originally worried about caring for it, but have found it to be durable and very easy to clean.  I got a low gloss option and it is really ideal in my brightly sunlit living room.  New couch and chairs are sized down to fit better with the large piano.  And a beautiful new railing that I added as a last minute idea.  My contractor is so wonderful to accommodate all my wishes, even in the last stages of the project when he needs to be moving on to the next one.

 Dining room with wood floors.  The flooring also extends down the hallway and stairs, and into the TV room.  I kept carpet in the other two bedrooms.

 Frankie photobombs my dining room picture.

The main change in the bathroom was the shower.  The original shower had a small door and a lowered ceiling and with a yellow tile finish, it was dark and uninviting.  We opened up one whole side of the shower and replaced it with clear glass.  We raised the ceiling to the height of the room, added a shower light and a deluxe dual head fixture.  New paint on the walls finished this one. 

One of these days I'll get some pictures of the new doors and the TV room which were also involved in this remodel.

With the completion of this project, I'm finished remodeling.  There's nothing left to do in the house.  Oh, maybe I'll paint a room now and then and change out curtains and bedspreads.  But this is it for the main things.  I can live in this house a long time and enjoy it.  And when the time comes to sell it, it will already be upgraded and ready to go.

I have to note this was the one thing from my 2013 New Year's resolutions that I didn't complete in 2013, but with its completion a few months into 2014, I don't feel too badly.

Spring 2014 - The Yard is Beautiful

Almost nothing makes me happier than the day Alberto's crew comes to do the spring cleanup in my yard. This year especially so. With the extra family duties, I've had no time to tackle things in the yard. It was such a mess, it was getting depressing. But one day with the cleanup crew, and my yard looks like heaven on earth.

The perennials are growing and a few are blooming. I will have something in bloom from now until well into Fall. I planned it that way. And I'll be adding more perennials again this year as I always do. Alberto's guys always pull up a few thinking they are weeds, but I don't complain much about that since they do such an amazing job.

 Today is an overcast day, so colors in my photos are muted. But the yard is lovely and all the little birds seem to be enjoying it as much as I am.

Frankie checks out the first 10 pots I've planted in annuals so far.  Still have 10 of medium to large size to plant, and another 8 or so little ones.

An Idyl Life

I would like to never go out again.
Out and about, that is.
Just stay indoors.
Or lounge on the patio.
Or stroll around the garden
but seldom farther.

People could visit
And bring wine
and cheesecake
and chocolate
and crusty bread
or flaky croissants
or pain au chocolat.
And pineapple
and tender pea pods.
And shrimp to sauté
in butter and garlic.

And stay too late
and drink too much
and have to sleep over.

We'd walk around the morning yard
Picking weeds and flowers.
Filling bird feeders
and baths.
And then coffee and cheesecake
for breakfast.

And say goodbye
and all return home
for mid-day naps.
Then afterward wash the clothes and dishes
take out the trash, and tidy the place,
just before the guests arrive,

To do it all again.


"An Idyl Life" by Becky Stauffer
copyright 2014

Caregiving

I had just one goal this year: Take care of Becky.  I had the best intentions.  But the truth is, my life has been absorbed by the needs of those around me leaving little time to follow my intentions.  This is not to complain.  Not at all.  I am glad to have the precious time with my grandchildren.  I'm glad to be able to care for my parents, despite the difficult circumstances.  I'm glad to give the love and support my bereaved friends need.  It would be easier if all of these needs hadn't come at the same time.  But they did and I find myself more and more short on time and energy.  I've had to put my needs on a back burner for now.

I'm happy to report that my dad has reached something of a stable point.  His health is still frail and his memory is only functioning at maybe 30 percent, but a plateau is still something to appreciate.  As a result mom is managing better on her own without as much help from all of us, and I am driving to Ogden fewer times a week.  I may be able to get down to one trip a week now.

And I will have some respite from my regular daily childcare duties when the Brazilian grandparents of my grandchildren arrive the end of this month.  They will stay all summer and I will be freed up until fall.

And things are changing in my friends' lives, too.  One has sold her house and is moving to another state.  Another may do the same.  All three are doing better all the time and filling their lives with new challenges and responsibilities.

Life is returning to a "new normal".

As things ease up on me in the coming weeks, I need to revisit that goal and start looking after my own health and well-being.  So much I want to do.  But first I will catch up on sleep.  Again.

Life

Things have a way of changing and changing and changing.  I keep thinking when the current "thing" is finished, life will finally be calm and I will have time to do some personal pursuits.  But the truth is, all the "things" in life tend to overlap, and that calm time never arrives. 

I don't remember which ended first, the remodel or the kids being out of school, but before those ended, my father took ill, was hospitalized twice, and has been up and down, but mostly down, ever since.  The situation with my folks has required that we siblings spend time in the home helping with care and household tasks.  It has necessitated a great deal of driving since I live about 40 minutes away.  I'm glad to do my part and grateful to have three other siblings who can help.  We have a large family, but some live too far away to help and one is in denial that any help is needed there. 

I am becoming far more acquainted than I would like with home health care workers.  I'm glad we have them coming in, but it also makes me think about what I will want for myself in the same situation.  As his health declines, dad dislikes all the attention and people coming and going.  Mom dislikes it too.  Help can be a hardship.  How is dad?  Not well.  What is expected?  We have no idea.  Medical people treat conditions and don't predict outcomes.  We hope for the best; prepare for the worst.

At home, I have the comfort of my little dog and things blooming in the yard.  The weeds are no comfort. But if I don't get around to them, then I'll turn to my trusty landscaper, Alberto, for help.  And I enjoy my finished home, although I have no time to invite guests to enjoy it with me.

I don't know what the coming days, weeks, months hold for the family.  But one thing I'm sure of is change.

Clark's Grebes Courting

I finally got out birding again yesterday.  During the remodel for the past several months, my house was in chaos and it was hard to find anything--including my camera.  It was nice to have it in my hands again.  I took little Frankie along to visit Bear River Migratory Bird Refuge for the first time in months.  The migrants are returning or passing through.  It was a wonderful birdy day.  One of the treats of the day was observing early courting behavior of two Clark's Grebes.  It's early yet and just a handful of these grebes have arrived at Bear River.  Soon, this will be a common sight.

The remodel - one more day

Every day this week I have expected it to be the last day.  But as you might guess, a couple of things delayed us.  For one thing, I decided I wanted to replace the stair railings and had to make some quick decisions about style and materials.  Then we had a realization that my contractor didn't think I wanted the lower set of stairs to have hardwood to match the upper stairs, while I had thought that was the plan.  So the upper stairs are done, but the lower ones are yet to do.  Glad we discovered that when we did.  Luckily, there are enough materials, barely, to complete those stairs.  So those two major things and then maybe a half dozen little things that need finishing up and we will be done.  Finally!  This could all happen tomorrow.

What is finished is so beautiful and the kids had fun playing on the new living room floor today.  Brandon is disappointed my photo here doesn't do justice to his excellent arrangement of toys.  But it does do justice to the lovely new floor.  It's funny, too, because the kids begged me to go with carpet instead of hardwood because they thought they liked playing on carpet better.  Now they are on board with the wood.

Tomorrow the new couch is delivered.  The new chairs are special-ordered and won't be here until April.  I need to decide on rugs now.  I've looked at about a thousand, so I should know what's available.  Today I started the slow process of moving things back where they belong.  I'll take my time as I put the rooms together and change things around as I get inspiration, and continue to get rid of things.

After a very stressful couple of weeks, I begin to feel calm and relaxed.  I am happy with everything we've done.  This is the fourth major remodel I've had done with Scott and I know by now the quality will be excellent, even if the completion isn't as fast as I'd hoped.  With this remodel, I'm finished.  Every room has been touched in some way--some more than others.  There is nothing left to do except decorate inside.  And, I suppose, I should stop spending money now and save for my later retirement.  I'm ready to really settle in and enjoy my home and stop thinking about changes.

Weary but with more patience

The remodel continues.  The doors are finished and look very nice.  The shower is finished and is just beautiful.  Only the flooring remains.  We were delayed partly because I couldn't decide what I wanted, and then when I decided, the item I chose had a long lead time.  So I finally decided on a different option.  It has been ordered and will be in Salt Lake next Tuesday (I'm told) and will be installed next week.  If all goes as planned, which it never does.  But after that, there's a little paint touch up to be done and then they are finished.  At least I do have some peace and quiet in my house while waiting for the flooring to arrive.  This has helped me to renew my calm and patience.  I'm still pretty much living in the basement, but I've gotten used to that, and I'm so glad it is such a cozy and homey place to pass the time.

Temperatures in Salt Lake will be near 50 all week long, with lots of rain in the valleys and snow in the mountains.  This is just how I like my winters.  The birds are singing in the yard and I begin to have hope for spring.

Weary of Remodeling

It's been a week of chaos in my house with the entire upstairs torn up just to do doors and baseboards.  We haven't even gotten to the floors yet.  Poor Frankie and I are cowering in the basement.  I'm glad this is my last inside project.  I no longer have the patience to have a driveway full of trucks and a houseful of men having their way with my property and crowding me out.  *sigh*  I know I'll love it when it's done.  But I have to whine a bit while in the middle of the mess.