I often awaken at 2 or 3 in the morning. Wide awake. Sometimes, like this morning, I am startled awake by a disturbing dream. This is the one where I'm high up on some structure like steel girders and I need to find a way down. And I'm terrified of heights. In the dream I always manage to make some progress along the beam only to find I've reached an impossible place when I can't get down without somehow turning around or making some other impossible maneuver. I awaken with heart racing, palms sweating. There's just no going back to sleep.
There are things I do in the middle of the night. Surf the web, watch TV, play piano or guitar, do a load of laundry, do a crossword puzzle, write in my blog. Sometimes I just sit in the dark and look at the view from my window. It isn't always calming. I turn on the lights.
A friend of mine who is a counselor said this is an indication of depression. In my case I think she's wrong. I know what's disturbing my sleep. It's the many things yet undone in my house (and in my yard, but mostly in my house). I've been divorced a year, yet my garage is still full of junk my ex didn't want and left for me to deal with. There are some thiings I want to keep, like the lawn games for the kids, my golf clubs, a desk I want to sell. But everything got dumped on top of everything and some of the things on top are too heavy for me to move alone. The task of clearing out is so daunting, so overwhelming, I get started but it seems I don't even make a dent. I don't feel depressed about it, but anxious because it's not done, and not sure how to get it done.
But I never have the solutions when I'm awake in the wee hours. Those thought processes work better in the light of day. So I'll do a crossword puzzle, and pretty soon I won't be able to keep my eyes open, and finally sleep will return. I need to remember to turn off my alarm on the weekends. No sense getting up at 5 if I don't have to.