Tuesday, June 30, 2009


Today the last legal loose end in my divorce is wrapped up. It has been a long and trying odyssey. I filed for divorce in October 2005, the divorce was final in October 2007, the long delay was primarily due to the incompetence of the lawyer I hired. As part of the settlement I was to begin receiving a monthly payment from my ex's retirement. My lawyer dropped the ball on that and then charged me even more to get those documents filed with the court, even though I did all the leg work on it. The first payment finally showed up in my bank account today. My ex has been very decent this whole time, sending me monthly payments directly since the arrangements had not been done.

What have I learned? The only bad guy in this whole thing was my lawyer. He got paid an awful lot of money for his incompetence. I feel no bitterness toward my ex, but I do toward the lawyer. But I'll let that go--it's only money after all.

I'll admit to same sadness as I checked my bank account this morning -- thinking about life plans that disappeared along with money and stability. You think you'll be growing old with someone and then something happens. I still don't talk about my divorce except with close friends and family. It was a tough time for everyone involved, starting when my father-in-law was very ill and approaching the final months of his life. I know something snapped in my husband during that time, and the things that followed were not of him but of some mental illness. Even today he is not well mentally. But we have all moved on and there is no going back, nor is there any desire on either of our parts to do so. But in my heart I hold no ill will and I hope one day he can find peace in his life.

There are still things remaining for me to do in the house and garage. Though I've made a lot of progress, there are some large items of no value I simply need to have hauled away. I have the phone number of a guy who will do it for a reasonable price and my goal is to try to have that all done before the 12th of July. Just an arbitrary deadline, but I find setting dates like that works for me.

And I think all of that was what was holding me back from getting my kitchen remodel done. Just by chance, my contractor's wife called me yesterday, dialing the wrong Becky from her cell phone. And we got talking about my kitchen and I realized how silly it is that I've put it off for so long. I seem to be one of those people for whom things need to proceed in a logical sequential manner. It was a well-timed, perhaps serendipitous wrong number. It's time to do that project.

As for growing old with someone, I realized today I'm growing old with quite a few people -- sisters who are also my best friends, girlfriends who are like sisters to me, even some men I've met who will never be more than friends but who have proven to be good friends and bring much to my life. I may be the only person living in my particular house, but I'm not growing old alone after all.

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