Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Adjusting, if slowly

It's early on in this retirement thing and I'm already becoming aware of some things about myself.  Not that a couple of days is enough to be definitive.  Only that I can see this will be a much bigger adjustment than I was prepared for.

So far I'm functioning at about 25 percent.  I have been sleeping a lot.  A LOT!  I awaken sometimes at 3 a.m., 5 a.m., 7 a.m.  I may get up, I may not.  I make coffee later in the morning, around 9.  I make some Scrabble moves and solve some Sudoku while still in pajamas.  I shower sometime in the morning -- at least I DO shower!  I may pull a blanket over me and nap on the couch for half an hour.  The napping happens throughout the day.  I have no idea how much total sleep I am getting.  But if I feel like sleeping, I simply do it.  I think I have been very tired for a very long time and really had no idea just how tired.

I have been very lazy.  I let the dishes pile up in the sink for the first three days, and finally cleaned up the kitchen yesterday.  No reason for it.  I like my kitchen cleaned up, so this was rather strange behavior on my part.  I am not eating regular meals.  I would call it foraging more than anything.  This must stop.  I am eating too often and too much.  Today for lunch I ate raw almonds directly from the bag.  Yesterday I ate donuts.

I think my mind and body are totally rebelling against all structure and rules--even my own.  At the same time I keep feeling someone is about to ask me to write this, edit that, send this, work on that, come to a meeting, adhere to a schedule dictated by someone else.  I do think about work, but not as to how they might be getting along without me, but more how I am getting along without it. I have a pile of filing stacked up on my desk--Social Security, Medicare, insurance stuff.  It would take me five minutes to file, but I avoid my office and keep the door closed.  I will at some point have to redesignate the purpose of that room.

Strangely, I am most functional after 4 p.m., approximately my old quitting time.  I get a burst of energy and motivation and suddenly start puttering around the house.  I'm good till about 8 and then I settle in for TV or a movie.  I try to stay up late, but fall asleep on the couch around 10.

Today has been my least sleepy day, and I see that as progress.  But I did forget to put out the garbage for pickup (no big deal, I don't make enough garbage to warrant a weekly pickup--it'll be fine till next time).

I don't feel emotional at all about my behavior.  I haven't had visitors or phone calls and just a few emails.  So I feel I can get away with this for a little while.  Yes, I recognize the need to establish some structure in my day; but for a little while at least, I want to just drift along through some days and just not mind about anything.

1 comment:

troutbirder said...

It's different alright. But you'll find you own tempo. Winter is the time for hibernation for a lot of creatures remember...:)