It's early on in this retirement thing and I'm already becoming aware of some things about myself. Not that a couple of days is enough to be definitive. Only that I can see this will be a much bigger adjustment than I was prepared for.
So far I'm functioning at about 25 percent. I have been sleeping a lot. A LOT! I awaken sometimes at 3 a.m., 5 a.m., 7 a.m. I may get up, I may not. I make coffee later in the morning, around 9. I make some Scrabble moves and solve some Sudoku while still in pajamas. I shower sometime in the morning -- at least I DO shower! I may pull a blanket over me and nap on the couch for half an hour. The napping happens throughout the day. I have no idea how much total sleep I am getting. But if I feel like sleeping, I simply do it. I think I have been very tired for a very long time and really had no idea just how tired.
I have been very lazy. I let the dishes pile up in the sink for the first three days, and finally cleaned up the kitchen yesterday. No reason for it. I like my kitchen cleaned up, so this was rather strange behavior on my part. I am not eating regular meals. I would call it foraging more than anything. This must stop. I am eating too often and too much. Today for lunch I ate raw almonds directly from the bag. Yesterday I ate donuts.
I think my mind and body are totally rebelling against all structure and rules--even my own. At the same time I keep feeling someone is about to ask me to write this, edit that, send this, work on that, come to a meeting, adhere to a schedule dictated by someone else. I do think about work, but not as to how they might be getting along without me, but more how I am getting along without it. I have a pile of filing stacked up on my desk--Social Security, Medicare, insurance stuff. It would take me five minutes to file, but I avoid my office and keep the door closed. I will at some point have to redesignate the purpose of that room.
Strangely, I am most functional after 4 p.m., approximately my old quitting time. I get a burst of energy and motivation and suddenly start puttering around the house. I'm good till about 8 and then I settle in for TV or a movie. I try to stay up late, but fall asleep on the couch around 10.
Today has been my least sleepy day, and I see that as progress. But I did forget to put out the garbage for pickup (no big deal, I don't make enough garbage to warrant a weekly pickup--it'll be fine till next time).
I don't feel emotional at all about my behavior. I haven't had visitors or phone calls and just a few emails. So I feel I can get away with this for a little while. Yes, I recognize the need to establish some structure in my day; but for a little while at least, I want to just drift along through some days and just not mind about anything.