More angst. It's not out of my system yet. Give me a little more time, I think.
Two weeks since I retired and I'm still floating along getting nothing done. I seem to have caught up on my sleep and am sleeping longer at night; thus not more than one daytime nap is needed now. I still function best after 4 p.m., my old quitting time. These days I feel good if I accomplish one thing per day on my to do list.
I've come to realize that a job is an anchor in our lives. It holds us down and stops us from doing a lot of things we imagine we'd rather be doing. But there's predictability and security in that anchor. And there's a certain Stockholm-syndrome-comfort in that. Once we let loose of that anchor, it sets us off balance. No-one is telling us what to do. Every minute of the day is filled with something of our choosing. And sometimes that's nothing.
It's a huge luxury of time I've never before experienced. Clearly, it does not matter whether I vacuum today or wait until tomorrow. And with no more pressing time schedules, I am drifting along, sitting on the couch, playing on the internet, watching TV, eating, and wasting a lot of time.
And maybe I need to do that for a bit. I'm certainly giving myself a break with this. But I don't want this to continue. I'll be bored out of my mind and I'll become huge. Well, I think I'm becoming both of those.
I blame the weather partly. It's been a long time since we had such an ugly January with extended sub-freezing temps and the inversion that traps the smog in the valley. Not to mention the short days. I know this part will change and I believe I'll wake up more when it does.
And I realize I'm coming off an apparently stressful period. About six weeks before retirement, when I started training my replacements, my old eye twitch showed up. I hadn't had that since my previous highly stressful job. I still have a bit of that twitch a couple of times a day. I think I've failed to acknowledge how stressful the past few months have been in so many ways. Another reason to give myself a break.
I've decided to think of this as the first two-week vacation I've had in probably 20 years or more. Really. I hadn't thought of it that way before, but my vacations have been snippets for many years. So now I've had a good long rest from all kinds of work. But I'm feeling the need to return "home" metaphorically, wherever that may be now.
(And gawd I hope I get over all this angst soon.)